It’s Thanksgiving in NYC. Turkey time! Come at me bro!

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Here we are at another Thanksgiving holiday. Travel nightmares. Family follies. Stuffing ourselves to the point of gastronomic failure. Waistlines pushing maximum expansion. Then usually passing out on the couch for a while in a tryptophanic turkey coma until the aroma of fresh coffee and pumpkin pie is in the air. Hey now, no matter how full we are there’s always room for dessert! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays mainly because I get to feast and engorge myself on delicious food prepared by relatives who can cook their asses off. No Shake N Bake chicken here, just real down home comfort food and stuffing galore. I will admit to a guilty pleasure during this meal – canned cranberry sauce! I can’t help myself, as I love it. The shape of the can it plops out as. You can slice it. It’s gelatinous wiggle. It’s not as sour as fresh cranberry sauce. Drool.

Hey, don’t judge me! We all have our shameful little fetishes.

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Mmmmm…..don’t even get me started on the gravy and mashed potatoes. I want to bathe in it. Like a salmon swimming upstream with it’s mouth open drinking it all in. Maybe inhaling is a better way to describe it. I think I might be obsessed.

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I have been ready and waiting on this meal for weeks now. Counting down the days to take on that tasty fowl and leave nothing but a carcass. I better get my maternity pants ready!

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Ahhh, the family gathering on a holiday such as Thanksgiving. I do enjoy the time together, but also relish the freedom of getting back on the train to escape the scary suburbs and head back to my peaceful apartment in Manhattan!

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As a grown man why do I still end up at this table? Then again, I can escape parental conversation and act all demented with the kids. Kind of a win.

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Sometimes I do feel sorry for all those turkeys. Oh well, survival of the fittest. You should have learned how to fly and escape during all those years of evolution. Now, your tasty white meat slathered in gravy and cranberry sauce is in my belly! Nom nom nom!

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Yeah, it’s pretty much a given that we will watch the Detroit Lions lose as they usually do on this day. Wonder why the NFL wishes to torture their fans on this great holiday every year? No matter, as I’m usually passed out by game time anyway.

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Oh hellz yeah! Aggravating travel. Screaming kids. Annoying family members. Thank goodness for wine and beer. Makes the day much more bearable. Plus, egg nog!

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Oh no. Now we get to hear all the annoying holiday music being played on the radio. If I hear “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” again I’m gonna clobber someone with a drumstick!

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Then again, this day is about giving thanks and celebrating with family and friends over a big meal. Now, if I were able to make the turkey it just might look like this. That would be something my taste buds would be thankful for. Well, because, bacon!

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I just don’t get this when I head out to the scary suburbs on turkey day. There are always a few homes with the Christmas lights up and decorations in the windows. What’s the hurry? What’s next – Easter decorations by New Years Day? Calm down people!

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Let’s enjoy one holiday at a time and not get sucked into the commercialism of the season. The holiday shopping will end up killing us all anyway. Especially in places like WalMart. Along with our credit cards being fried. Might as well enjoy Thanksgiving first!

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Speaking of holiday shopping there is no way I will ever expose myself into the utter terror and pandemonium of Black Friday again. I used to do it. Years of therapy afterwards still hasn’t totally cured me. I still wake up with WalMart night terrors screaming and soaked with sweat. Those suburban soccer moms are the things nightmares are made of when fighting over a sale item!

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On a final note – Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy the day and eat well. Take the oh-so-true words above from Louis CK and feast wisely. It’s pretty much how I feel after a meal of gluttonous abandon. Sweet joyful gluttony. Pass the gravy please!

48 thoughts on “It’s Thanksgiving in NYC. Turkey time! Come at me bro!”

  1. Wonderful Post Phil! And I don’t judge you on the cranberry sauce either. Yes, the kids table does seem to compose a lot of grown adults- last year we were joking of moving the seniors to that table, only thing is, they agreed, everyone felt bad for the joke. And I do have my decorations up- not commercial- it simply gives me a full holiday weekend to spend with my family – and less stress- I began this last year- it’s made the holiday season far more pleasurable! Happy Thanksgiving Phil to you, your gal, and to all of your family!
    Peggy Gilbey McMackin recently posted…Curried Butternut Squash SoupMy Profile

  2. Wishing you and all your readers a Happy Thanksgiving Phil.

    Admittedly it doesn’t mean much to us Brits but I know it is a big thing over there. I did once celebrate it in America too so I know what feast it is.

    Black Friday – yeah another crazy thing with people going wild beyond ration or reason to save $20 on an iPad which is obsolete in 6 months when the newer version is released.

    Either way, happy celebrations. I loved your memes they certainly made me chuckle.

  3. I would LOVE to sit at a table of all just kids at holidays! Then I probably wouldn’t have yelled shit like “You would feel differently if someone shot YOUR KID” and whatnot.
    Sometimes those early decorations are a must, if we have an early warm day everyone scrambles to get the outside stuff done before the Polar Vortex cold and snow storms. I’ve been too lazy for any outdoor decorations for years, I just tape some lights to the inside of the windows. Most years, anyway.
    Looks like you had an amazing Thanksgiving!
    Joy Christi recently posted…Must Be The Season Of The BinchMy Profile

  4. Happy Thanksgiving Phil. Yeah, the issue of what to do with the cranberry sauce is a biggie. I won’t judge LOL!

    As yu know, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain or Germany but I have loads of American friends, so we usually celebrate with them. Quite frankly, most Germans can’t really tell whether we’re from the UK or the USA so that’s perfectly alright although Black Friday is creeping over here too but it’s not really catching LOL! Thank goodness!

    I’m just thankful for being alive and well and getting invited to other Thanksgiving celebrations! YOLO right! In fact, last years’ party was great. We must have been at least about 30-40 people all going and coming and because most of our friends are artists, there was singing, playing instruments, and performing. It was crazy!
    Victoria recently posted…How I went on a bicycle tour and fell in a ditch, in Bali!My Profile

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