Here we are at another Thanksgiving holiday. Travel nightmares. Family follies. Stuffing ourselves to the point of gastronomic failure. Waistlines pushing maximum expansion. Then usually passing out on the couch for a while in a tryptophanic turkey coma until the aroma of fresh coffee and pumpkin pie is in the air. Hey now, no matter how full we are there’s always room for dessert! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays mainly because I get to feast and engorge myself on delicious food prepared by relatives who can cook their asses off. No Shake N Bake chicken here, just real down home comfort food and stuffing galore. I will admit to a guilty pleasure during this meal – canned cranberry sauce! I can’t help myself, as I love it. The shape of the can it plops out as. You can slice it. It’s gelatinous wiggle. It’s not as sour as fresh cranberry sauce. Drool.
Hey, don’t judge me! We all have our shameful little fetishes.
Mmmmm…..don’t even get me started on the gravy and mashed potatoes. I want to bathe in it. Like a salmon swimming upstream with it’s mouth open drinking it all in. Maybe inhaling is a better way to describe it. I think I might be obsessed.
I have been ready and waiting on this meal for weeks now. Counting down the days to take on that tasty fowl and leave nothing but a carcass. I better get my maternity pants ready!
Ahhh, the family gathering on a holiday such as Thanksgiving. I do enjoy the time together, but also relish the freedom of getting back on the train to escape the scary suburbs and head back to my peaceful apartment in Manhattan!
As a grown man why do I still end up at this table? Then again, I can escape parental conversation and act all demented with the kids. Kind of a win.
Sometimes I do feel sorry for all those turkeys. Oh well, survival of the fittest. You should have learned how to fly and escape during all those years of evolution. Now, your tasty white meat slathered in gravy and cranberry sauce is in my belly! Nom nom nom!
Yeah, it’s pretty much a given that we will watch the Detroit Lions lose as they usually do on this day. Wonder why the NFL wishes to torture their fans on this great holiday every year? No matter, as I’m usually passed out by game time anyway.
Oh hellz yeah! Aggravating travel. Screaming kids. Annoying family members. Thank goodness for wine and beer. Makes the day much more bearable. Plus, egg nog!
Oh no. Now we get to hear all the annoying holiday music being played on the radio. If I hear “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” again I’m gonna clobber someone with a drumstick!
Then again, this day is about giving thanks and celebrating with family and friends over a big meal. Now, if I were able to make the turkey it just might look like this. That would be something my taste buds would be thankful for. Well, because, bacon!
I just don’t get this when I head out to the scary suburbs on turkey day. There are always a few homes with the Christmas lights up and decorations in the windows. What’s the hurry? What’s next – Easter decorations by New Years Day? Calm down people!
Let’s enjoy one holiday at a time and not get sucked into the commercialism of the season. The holiday shopping will end up killing us all anyway. Especially in places like WalMart. Along with our credit cards being fried. Might as well enjoy Thanksgiving first!
Speaking of holiday shopping there is no way I will ever expose myself into the utter terror and pandemonium of Black Friday again. I used to do it. Years of therapy afterwards still hasn’t totally cured me. I still wake up with WalMart night terrors screaming and soaked with sweat. Those suburban soccer moms are the things nightmares are made of when fighting over a sale item!
On a final note – Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy the day and eat well. Take the oh-so-true words above from Louis CK and feast wisely. It’s pretty much how I feel after a meal of gluttonous abandon. Sweet joyful gluttony. Pass the gravy please!