It’s all Penis Politics in NYC!

image001Oh, how the mighty have fallen LIMP but now RISE to the occasion when it comes to NYC politics! Like another shot of viagra into the NYC political scene we now have reports of disgraced former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer wanting to jump back into the fray, and headlines, of the upcoming elections. Seems as if “Client 9”, as he was known to his arranged hookers, wants to run for the office of NYC Comptroller. Not only does this reek of desperation, and that of a man so crazily determined to hold a position of power again, that it’s almost pathetic. What’s even more pathetic to me is that his wife actually stayed with him after it was revealed he had spent around $100,000 on about 20 visits to high paid “talent”. What was she thinking? Does Eliot have a “magic penis” or something? Does it sing and dance? Does it do the laundry too? Can it make me a sammich? ( Strike that last one – don’t want to know where the special sauce comes from! )

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Oh, it gets better! Guess who wants to run against him. Kristin Davis! The ex-madam who supplied him with hookers for his sex adventures! Even though this was never verified this is just too delicious! From reports I have read she is on a mission for vindication and relishes the thought of sparring with him. The NYC newspaper headlines will have a field day with this one!

Now, not only do we have Anthony’s Weiner running for Mayor, we also have an ever bigger Spitzer Penis running for office against his maybe one-time Pimp! You just can’t make this stuff up!

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Here’s my take on this scenerio. Get them all in the ring for a good old fashioned oil wrestling match! A “strip the clothes off” battle royal with all of New York City’s prominent dirty politicians at ringside ready to pounce on any of them who try to slip out of the ring and throw them back in. The first one to strip off all their clothes, tweet out a pic of their junk, and run around the ring buck naked wins their respective office.

Ashley Dupre’ will strut her stuff as the official ring girl while Spitzer looks on drooling!

It even gets better! Coming down from his Harlem office as special guest referee – the one and only ex-President Bill Clinton! Keepsake cigars will be handed out to the crowd as part of the extravaganza to all in attendance!

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Good lord it just doesn’t get any better than this! Grab the popcorn and take a seat on the couch!

41 thoughts on “It’s all Penis Politics in NYC!”

  1. I was going to say “please tell me you did NOT go there”, but this situation just screams for going there.

    And if his penis DOES do laundry, I’m moving and voting for him.

  2. Your state has more penile politics than any other state I know! (Wasn’t Brett Favre playing for an NY team when his whole sexting scandal broke, too?) Man, seems like you guys have a whole lot of phallus on the brain. Just sayin’.

    1. Hey Kitt!

      Somehow it seems we have a lot of dicks in NY goverement. Big and bigger but not in a good way!

      Also, please don’t talk about that Brett charactor. That wasn’t even funny. 😉

  3. I laughed even in the midst of the painful Kitchen Re-Do, while craving a New York Deli Sandwich. Love your comical political insights. The fact that the limp are rising again gives me concern on the oil wrestling… and votes they could potentially bring in from such an event.

    1. Hey Peggy!

      Glad you like my warped humor! The NYC politicians and political scene is just too easy to pick on. They just don’t realize how idiotic they are!

      Funny thing is – they will actually get a lot of votes from the idiotic public!

  4. Honestly, you couldn’t make this insanity up unless you were on some sort of drugs. First of all “Spock” a/k/a Spitzer really needs to have his ego popped…the man has not one ounce of shame. Now my concern is that they read this post and will actually consider your idea for the battle royal…because anything goes at this point.

    1. Hey Lisa!

      I totally agree about Spitzer. He is classless, and his wife is a moron for staying with him. I see a Spitzer/Weiner run for the Presidency one day! Talk about having some dicks in charge of the country!

  5. This post had me HOWLING!

    Special sauce? OMG! SOOOO glad you didn’t include the nutritional value of…you know. Rumor control has it that…you know…has essential vitamins, but is high in sodium. Do NOT tell Bloomberg. He’ll either promote or ban consumption before he leaves office. (Depending on whether he thinks nutritional value outweighs sodium shock.)

    Your meme with Clinton? Priceless!

    1. Hey Gloria!

      Again, I am glad I made you SNORT out loud!

      Bloomberg would probably cancel the event and make them hold it in New Jersey! Yeah, Bill Clinton is always good for a laugh!

  6. What is it about politics? Candidates tend to be the most seedy and of the most questionable character yet want us to put our faith in them. I like your way of deciding the contest Phil, can you put that on You Tube?

    BTW what is a Comptroller?

    1. Hey Guy!

      That is very true! Seems like most of them nowadays are a bit shady. Yet, they all want our votes!

      I would sell that event as pay-per-view and make a killing!

    1. Hey Lanthie!

      What is it with all the “dicks” in politics? It’s the one job where they can get away with anything and yet people still vote them back into cushy jobs!

      I’m doing the wrong thing for a living!

  7. Ewww to the special sauce. But if it does chores, and performs magic – hmmm I guess I’m curious. The delicious piece of news on Kristin Davis I said, “You have GOT to be kidding.”

    1. Hey Kenya!

      Yup – I read it yesterday that she wants to run too just to go after him I think. This will be great if it really happens. Let the fun begin!

      Hey, mine can drive a car so I guess anything is possible! 😉

  8. I have no dog in this fight, as I am from Chicago, but as a spectator — oh wow, dude. What a political season you all are in for. I can’t wait to hear the jokes, the awkward debates and the political ads. Maybe it’ll be fun!

    1. Hello Jean!

      You can’t even write this up as a Hollywood movie. Maybe a bad porno perhaps! It’s just unbelievable that these guys just don’t go away. Fun it will be!

  9. With politics like this, who needs reality TV?

    Have you ever considered running for office? Your reinvention of the oh-so-boring election campaign would bring in voters like never before.

    1. Hey Suzanne!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting!

      This is too surreal to be real, but it is! Plus, Spitzer received enough petition votes last night to make it into the election. People are nuts out there! I guess morals and ethics don’t matter to the voters anymore. It’s sad.

      I’m glad you like my election campaign idea. I should have Don King sell it as a pay per view event!

      I’ll be sure to drop by your blog too. Thanks for coming over from the blog hop.

  10. Phil — I laughed so hard at this post! (Yes, I said HARD.) You are hilarious. And yes, please make notes on the raunchy NY political scene so you can pitch a scandalous HBO show about it!

    1. Hey Darcy!

      So glad I got you all EXCITED over this post! Time for a cold shower?

      HBO wouldn’t take it. Maybe Showtime or Playboy Channel. Too racy and nasty!

  11. I have a very strong feeling that this political race will be watched VERY carefully by more than just New Yorkers. It has more sex than an amateur porn! 😀

    1. Hey Terrye!

      According to the polls it seems as if a differnet person is “on top” each day! Wonder who gets to be “the bottom”? 😉

  12. I don’t keep up with politics much for good reason. But I had to read your post because who doesn’t love polidicks. Get it? HA HA!

    Thanks for hooking up with the Humor Me Blog Hop!

    1. Hey Sarah!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! Glad you got a good laugh from my polidicks post! Sounds like I got a RISE out of you!

      The blog hop is a cool idea. I’ll be checking your blog out too. Hope you sign up to follow mine, and I’ll do the same.

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