I’m on vacation! Hand me a frozen cocktail and don’t be stingy with the rum!
Finally going on a real vacation out of the country for a week. Heading out on a Caribbean cruise with my gal and parents. Dad likes to drink and mom likes to gamble. We all love to eat. On a cruise ship that is a winning, if deadly, combination. Drinking, eating, gambling, island hopping and shopping. I think I might experience almost all of the Seven Deadly Sins over these seven days. We’ll make the most of it though I’m sure and have some great fun. I just need to keep in mind a list of things to adhere to that will help make my vacation time more enjoyable. Lord knows spending the week with the parental units will cause some stress to begin with.
1. I will not be on social networks of any kind as soon as that cruise ship pulls away from the port. It’s called a vacation for a reason! I am totally disconnecting for a week. Off the grid. Incommunicado. Lost in space. See ya!
2. I will not be posting vacation pictures on Facebook, Instagram, Yelp, Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder, LinkedIn, Clown Sex Weekly, or any other internet site. I will not be one of “those” people who feel the need to post a million pictures of everywhere they go every minute of their vacations on social media. It’s almost as if people forgot how to actually kick back and enjoy the destinations and sights they experience. They just run around looking for photo ops to quickly post and show off to their friends and followers. Dozens of pictures. Hundreds of them. Thousands. Honestly, none of us really care. Just stop already. Go have fun, enjoy, and download the pics when you get back. We’ll see them later on.
3. A Selfie Stick. No. Just…….No.
4. A fanny pack will not be worn. That is just advertising that you are a dork tourist on vacation. Especially when you’re in another country. What makes the look even worse? Wearing black or brown socks, shorts, and sandals. Don’t even think of wearing jorts. You’ll look like someone who just finished shopping at Walmart. Don’t do it.
5. There will be no counting calories. Why go on a vacation if you can’t fully indulge? We work hard all year long so splurging a bit on ourselves is a right well deserved. Have that second helping! Eat that third dessert! I want to drink so much booze I almost vomit on the ship’s captain! As long as I don’t fall overboard it’s all good. Safety first! Now hand me that frozen pina colada and slice of cake. I’ll sit my fat ass down and be a gluttonous pig, thank you very much.
6. In response to #5 it also does not mean I neglect my fitness. Cruise ships nowadays have killer gyms on board so getting in a few workouts will be on the agenda. Gotta kept in shape somewhat during a week of gluttony. I need my pants to still fit when I get home. Hmmm……wonder if I will be allowed to drink while on the treadmill? It’s all about hydration baby. Even if it’s one of those tropical drinks with an umbrella on it.
7. Do not be the “Ugly American”. I know I’ll be a guest in another land. Be respectful and don’t do anything stupid. Last thing I want to do is wake up in a jail cell in Haiti next to Jean Pierre.
8. I will not be wearing a Speedo while at the pool. I will also not be sharing a hot tub with a bunch of overweight hairy dudes. No public nudity. This is a vacation not a nightmare.
9. Can’t think about the money. Nothing is cheap in life anymore. We are all here for a short time and can’t take it with us when we go to that vacation villa in the sky. I know we will spend some coin on this trip and my credit cards might take a beating. So what? I’m going to eat and drink well, be entertained, pampered and taken care of. Plus, spending the time with my family is worth it. Can’t put a price on happiness.
10. Do not think about work, or sneaking away to the internet cafe on board to check emails. I know I can be a workaholic at times. I even went into the office the day after Thanksgiving to get work done even though the office was closed. Must resist. The company won’t collapse the week I am out. I just can’t be all stressed out thinking about all those emails I’ll probably have when I get back. Need to enjoy life first.
As the saying goes we should “work to live and not live to work”!
Bon voyage! See you all in a week. Stay safe and be well.
Nice, we just got back from a cruise the week before Thanksgiving, and like you I totally disconnected from the rest of the world. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop half of the ship from getting the social package and posting anything and everything on Facebook, Instagram, etc. 🙁
What line are you traveling on? We did the Carnival Glory and had a really good time!
Hey Sujeet!
We always travel Royal Caribbean. Went with my parents as they are Diamond members and we are Platinum. Lots of perks that way between us. Had a wonderful cruise! Perfect weather and the ship was terrific! I didn’t want to get off that boat!
Yes, it was so relaxing to not bother with email or the internet for a whole week. Now back to the real world!
Great Post Phil! But I had such a great line up of posts next week…lol. Have a fabulous time!
Hey Peggy!
It was a great vacation! So nice to disconnect and lay on an island with a cold Corona like in the commercials. Now I am back and catching up on the internet world. Wish I was still on vacation!
Hope you all are having a boat load of fun!
Hey Coleen!
We love cruises. It was an amazing time. We need to win Powerball so we can stay on a ship all year long!
Bon voyage! Disconnecting for a week is THE best idea! I know you will be back with a boatload of entertainment for us.
Hey Patricia!
It was so relaxing to not worry about being on the internet or social networks for a week! Alas, now back to reality and work. I need another vacation!
I hope you’re having tons of fun and not a worry in the world right now. Just enjoy and soak it all your family along with the sunshine.
Hey Holli!
It was a perfect week. Such a fun time. Great ship. Great weather. Great food and lots of drinks. Wish I was back there!
Have fun! I will definitely miss your posts in Clown Sex Weekly.
Hey Keely!
LOL! I thought I was the only one who subscribed to that site!
Have a great holiday Phil! ‘Shame that we won’t be able to see how you get on, on the cruise. Yep! I’m one of those people although if with the family, in moderation, like once a day and always somewhat cryptic for security reasons! But if I’m travelling solo, then let the good times roll and where-is-Victoria-now lol!
p.s When I go on holiday, I never worry about the calories and we indulge in all the lovely glasses of wine, all of the rustic meals, all of the local desserts and plenty of the brewery beers!!
A few years ago, we went to Tuscany in Italy and we even joined in the local very-long-table-for-whoever-wants-to-join-we’re-a-small-village-but-you’re-welcome-just-leave-a-small-donation street festival. So we did. Cups of Italian red wine were going for 50 cents a pop. We were very happy when we left that night and extremely flushed let me tell you!
Hey Victoria!
We had a terrific time with my parents. They love cruising and are also diamond members of Royal Caribbean so we got some nice perks. They both love the islands, love to eat, and my dad loves to party so we all got along great! No complaints as it was a perfect trip – the ship, weather, the food, the entertainment. I wish I was back on the ship!
I couldn’t agree more, Phil. What’s the point of a cruise if you can’t engage in gluttony, gambling and excessive drinking? I’m on the same cruise from the 10th of January so leave some cocktails for me.
Hey Gary!
Yes, we engaged in all that and then some! We had a perfect cruise. Great ship, wonderful weather every day, along with tasty food and drink. There were great shows and plenty to see and enjoy. Plus, a cigar bar!
How I wish I was back on that ship! Hope you and yours enjoy your upcoming cruise!