Well, here we are today on one of the biggest gluttony days of the year – Thanksgiving! It’s a day meant for family and friends to gather around the table and stuff ourselves silly feasting on ridiculous amounts of turkey, stuffing, yams, and pie. Lots of pie. Oh, glorious, pumpkin pie. Not to mention those annoying green things called vegetables for those of you who prefer a bit of healthiness mixed in with your engorgement. Along with those annoying family members, arguments, loud talking, drunken uncles, and the occassional fisticuffs that occur on this day of thanks dysfunction normally rules. Yet, we all put up with it and look forward to this day each year as not only does it bring a reason to pig out on tasty food, but for many it is a four day weekend!
I was watching the Food Network recently and just wondered what Thanksgiving holiday wishes would be like from a few of the celebrity chefs out there……
Happy Turkey Day Bro from Guy Fieri!
Hey gang, take the bus on down to flavortown and feast on my deep fried turkey stuffed with duck fat, chicken gizzards, lasagna, chocolate pudding, covered in bacon, and basted with my own special donkey sauce. Wash it down with my signature holiday gravy cocktail!
For dessert feast on my quaduple decker pumpkin, blueberry, apple, and lard pie smothered with a gallon of habanero sauce and deep fried to a golden brown. Slap some melted caramel on top and Guy’s special tomato sauce and this shizz is the money!
Winner winner vomit dinner!
Enjoy a gratuitous poultry day from Anthony Bourdain!
Dude, it’s all about the risk. Why eat just a plain old turkey each year? Explore the hidden culinary treats that are just right under your nose in a dark back alley food stand. Dive deep into the underbelly of gastronomica and experience the essense of rare truffles stacked with foie grais on top of a perfectly cooked dirty water dog stuffed into an expertly seasoned toasted bun. Stop being a foodie douchebag – get out there are give your taste buds something to savor and remember for years to come! Then kick back with a cold pint among the locals at a seedy bar, wake up in the morning laying in a bathtub full of ice and missing a kidney, and know that your Thanksgiving was something truly special.
Have a happy #$%&*&%$& Thanksgiving from Gordon Ramsay you pathetic excuse for a chef!
You call that an effing Turkey dinner? My turds look better than that garbage you just put on the plate, and probably tastes better too! Who taught you how to cook? A blind garbageman? Do you have no sense of taste or smell? It’s an abominbation! I would not serve this slop to pigs. It’s so overcooked that my shoes could be resoled with it! You call that stuffing? I would use it as quick dry cement and bury your meal with it. This food is so disgusting that even a starving dog would turn it’s nose up at it. Happy Thanksgiving my ass! Now get out of my kitchen! You suck!
Rejoice on Thankgiving day and shove a stick of butter in that turkey from Paula Deen!
Hey y’all. Hope you are all having a fantastic Thanksgiving. I see you are preparing a wonderful turkey dinner for your family. Do you know how to bring out the flavor of that bird? Shove a stick of butter up it’s ass! Now, those mashed potatoes look a little dry so let’s mix in a vat of Crisco to soften them up a bit. Hey now, melted butter on vegetables really ramps up the flavor. Let’s melt a few sticks in a pan and pour it on them. I bet that salad would taste even better with some butter drizzled on it. You know what goes good with pie? Butter of course so lets spread some all over the top of it. Even coffee tastes better with a dollop of whipped butter in it.
Hey, what’s up with the chest pains? Anybody else need an insulin shot?
Hope everyone had a terrific Thanksgiving Day and did not eat too much! Unless you wore sweatpants to the table as I did today. Then passed out on the couch and drooled on yourself. It’s all good.