Happy Thanksgiving from your celebrity chefs!


Well, here we are today on one of the biggest gluttony days of the year – Thanksgiving! It’s a day meant for family and friends to gather around the table and stuff ourselves silly feasting on ridiculous amounts of turkey, stuffing, yams, and pie. Lots of pie. Oh, glorious, pumpkin pie. Not to mention those annoying green things called vegetables for those of you who prefer a bit of healthiness mixed in with your engorgement. Along with those annoying family members, arguments, loud talking, drunken uncles, and the occassional fisticuffs that occur on this day of thanks dysfunction normally rules. Yet, we all put up with it and look forward to this day each year as not only does it bring a reason to pig out on tasty food, but for many it is a four day weekend!

I was watching the Food Network recently and just wondered what Thanksgiving holiday wishes would be like from a few of the celebrity chefs out there……


Happy Turkey Day Bro from Guy Fieri!

Hey gang, take the bus on down to flavortown and feast on my deep fried turkey stuffed with duck fat, chicken gizzards, lasagna, chocolate pudding, covered in bacon, and basted with my own special donkey sauce. Wash it down with my signature holiday gravy cocktail!

For dessert feast on my quaduple decker pumpkin, blueberry, apple, and lard pie smothered with a gallon of habanero sauce and deep fried to a golden brown. Slap some melted caramel on top and Guy’s special tomato sauce and this shizz is the money!

Winner winner vomit dinner!


Enjoy a gratuitous poultry day from Anthony Bourdain!

Dude, it’s all about the risk. Why eat just a plain old turkey each year? Explore the hidden culinary treats that are just right under your nose in a dark back alley food stand. Dive deep into the underbelly of gastronomica and experience the essense of rare truffles stacked with foie grais on top of a perfectly cooked dirty water dog stuffed into an expertly seasoned toasted bun. Stop being a foodie douchebag – get out there are give your taste buds something to savor and remember for years to come! Then kick back with a cold pint among the locals at a seedy bar, wake up in the morning laying in a bathtub full of ice and missing a kidney, and know that your Thanksgiving was something truly special.


Have a happy #$%&*&%$& Thanksgiving from Gordon Ramsay you pathetic excuse for a chef!

You call that an effing Turkey dinner? My turds look better than that garbage you just put on the plate, and probably tastes better too! Who taught you how to cook? A blind garbageman? Do you have no sense of taste or smell? It’s an abominbation! I would not serve this slop to pigs. It’s so overcooked that my shoes could be resoled with it! You call that stuffing? I would use it as quick dry cement and bury your meal with it. This food is so disgusting that even a starving dog would turn it’s nose up at it. Happy Thanksgiving my ass! Now get out of my kitchen! You suck!


Rejoice on Thankgiving day and shove a stick of butter in that turkey from Paula Deen!

Hey y’all. Hope you are all having a fantastic Thanksgiving. I see you are preparing a wonderful turkey dinner for your family. Do you know how to bring out the flavor of that bird? Shove a stick of butter up it’s ass! Now, those mashed potatoes look a little dry so let’s mix in a vat of Crisco to soften them up a bit. Hey now, melted butter on vegetables really ramps up the flavor. Let’s melt a few sticks in a pan and pour it on them. I bet that salad would taste even better with some butter drizzled on it. You know what goes good with pie? Butter of course so lets spread some all over the top of it. Even coffee tastes better with a dollop of whipped butter in it.

Hey, what’s up with the chest pains? Anybody else need an insulin shot? 


Hope everyone had a terrific Thanksgiving Day and did not eat too much! Unless you wore sweatpants to the table as I did today. Then passed out on the couch and drooled on yourself. It’s all good.

42 thoughts on “Happy Thanksgiving from your celebrity chefs!”

  1. Phil – I hope you had a great Thanksgiving – spent mine with the inlaws and all the nieces and nephews. My kids capped it off by shooting rockets off and chasing them down – awesome time! Now trying to digest the meal and the stomach the Steelers – they don’t look so good!

    1. Hey Clay!

      We had a great time over at the parent’s house. Nice to get a home cooked feast!

      Looks like you guys have combined July 4th and Turkey Day!

  2. Happy Thanksgiving (and Black Friday) Phil to you and all your readers.

    I love all the pictures and the text with Gordon Ramsay, I can just imagine him saying it now. 🙂

  3. I did the hosting this year so preparing, serving & cleaning takes away from eating. However, today is a different story….look out leftovers! Hope you had a great day.
    The Paula Deen photo gave me a big ole laugh!!

  4. Your best post ever. I literally laughed out load through this whole post. Thanks for starting my day after Thanksgiving with hilarity.

  5. Happy Thanksgiving!

    You know, my wife made as good a Thanksgiving feast as any of those chefs could. It really was great and we have great leftovers. I think I have to go make myself a sandwich.

  6. This is so funny. I have so much turkey left over, I don’t know what to do with it. Then a lady from my church told me she saved me a plate from their Thanksgiving dinner and for me to get it. No way, I don’t want no more Turkey. I’m done.

  7. What a unique Holiday post, friend! Of course our favorite was Paula D’s. Comin’ from the South, her advice is more like a Regional Motto! Give that damn bird some flavor by shoving a stick of butter up his ass!! Loven’ it, Phil. As for the others, they reminded me to much of family members. The first being Gordon Ramsay. There’s always one drunk relative that just doesn’t know how to keep their mouth shut & who you avoid like a case of the clap! LMAO. Great Post sharing now.

    1. Hello Inion!

      I am so pleased that you liked this one! Glad you got a bunch of laughs from it.

      Yeah, I think we all have a relative or two like that who makes us raise an eyebrow or two.

  8. This was hilarious — and true! Of course, I’m a fan of the badassery that is Anthony Bourdain! Great post and I hope you had a terrific Thanksgiving!

    1. Hey Katie!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting!

      So happy you got a good laugh out of this. Hope you will be following my blog. I just checked yours out to follow and realize your blog will kill my diet! Cupcakes!

  9. Happy Thanksgiving Phil. I put the post on my Facebook page…
    This is hilarious LOL especially, the one with Gordon Ramsey as I don’t know the others!
    I’m British so we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving but as I live in Berlin with loads of American friends, I do. We had a good knees up too with yummy food, playing the piano, guitar and ukulele, and lots and lots of singing.
    Good fun!

    1. Hey Victoria!

      Hope you also had a terrific Thanksgiving in Berlin! Thanks so much for sharing my post. Glad you got a bunch of laughs from it.

      Sounds like you all had quite a party over there!

  10. Happy belated Thanksgiving! I’m still coming out of the turkey day carb/sugar/beer coma…need salad and the gym… 😉

    1. Hey Mary!

      Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

      It’s been salad and the gym for me too! Lots of bad stuff to eat between now and New Years. I’ll have to cheat a bit!

  11. A bit belated but hope you and the gal and all of your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Love Your Post, lots of laughs, though my sisters were here over Thanksgiving providing more than ample with that gang, the booz recycling bottles this week are outrageous! From Tailgate to full house with family, friends and team mates. My next Post… the unfinished, half photographed Post on numerous dishes prepared for Thanksgiving dinner and before hand meals… enjoy your holiday season!

    1. Hey Peggy!

      Hope you and yours also had a terrific Thanksgiving!

      Sounds like you all had a lot of fun with family, food, and booze! Glad you enjoy my blog!

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