German Hookers in Brooklyn? Schnitzel Haus has them!


I can’t believe I had to venture out to Brooklyn to get my first taste of German hookers! In fact, I had a bunch of hookers when I was there! They all tasted like sweet honey, and I still smelled like them the following morning! I love smelling like hookers! Don’t we all?

Yeah, I know, I could score hookers anywhere in NYC, but these hookers were strong and worth every penny. Some of them were even free! Our waitress kept bringing these hookers over to us so who were we to decline the hospitality? Hell no, I slurped up every one of them! Who can resist a tasty hooker? Not this guy and his merry group of deviant friends. Actually, the German hookers I am referring to here can be found at Schnitzel Haus over in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. It’s kind of an odd spot to find a German restaurant such as this being in an area which is predominantly Indian/Arabic/Middle Eastern as judging by the other businesses close by and the people walking the streets as we headed there. Didn’t matter to me as I’ll go most anywhere for good German food and beer. 

l (2)It was worth the trek out there. Wonderful atmosphere in a German restaurant adorned by rich woods, beer maiden garb, and terrific brews. Our waitress was attentive and funny. In fact, the whole staff was. She brought us over so many free German Hooker shots it became quite aware to us that we were getting sloshed this evening. On top of that, that bartender started sending over German Chocolate Cake shots. Amazing thing with this is that you have to eat a slice of lime with sugar on it before doing the shot to bring out the chocolate flavor. Sounds crazy, and I still think this is a screwed up joke, but it did taste like chocolate cake! I think we ended up getting more free shots than the shots we actually paid for. Bonus!

l (1)Oh yes, there was some pretty tasty food eaten in between all the shots. Sausage platter with bratwurst, knackwurst, weisswurst, keilbasa, bauernwurst, sauerkraut, potatoes, and red cabbage. All washed down with large glasses of Spaten and Warsteiner. All the while we noticed the staff was nipping at the shots themselves, so you know this is a fun type of place. I think everyone in this retaurant was a bit pickled! Good food, strong drinks, and drunk staff! Our waitress was a blast and kept goofing on us the whole night. I think she wanted to challenge us to a drink off. I have a funny feeling we would have lost to that beer frau pretty badly!

Photo credit - Schnitzel Haus
Photo credit – Schnitzel Haus

Had a great evening here with my friends. Lots of food, booze, and laughs. Some others that were going to come and bailed out missed a good time. Maybe it was a bit too far to travel for a few, but it’s always worth a trip to take some time and explore spots in different neighborhoods in and around NYC. With such a melting pot of cultures and peoples here one can find many gems hidden away out of their comfort zone of the hood they reside in.

All I do know is that those hookers were full of tequila. They treated us well and we all left satisfied. Not a German liquor but got the job done. Nuff said. Prost!

Photo credit - Schnitzel Haus
Photo credit – Schnitzel Haus


Schnitzel Haus –

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50 thoughts on “German Hookers in Brooklyn? Schnitzel Haus has them!”

  1. I was almost first!!! Almost. I love drunk waitresses. They’re the best. Back when I used to cocktail waitress, the best tippers were the ones that did shots with me. And I love red cabbage, so there’s that.

  2. Awesome share, Phil. It’s always been a dream of mine and Mathair’s to go to Germany for Oktoberfest, where we’d probably end up in a food coma… content, but a food coma nevertheless. Matter of fact, we have a friend of the family that’s full-blooded German and gave Mathair her family’s 100 yr old recipe for crockpot sauerkraut cooked in beer; it’s been my special birthday meal for the past ten years.

    1. Hey Inion/Mathair!

      That is a also my plan to to Oktoberfest over there. For now, I”ll have to be happy with the German places by me in NYC. Mmmm….sauerkraut and beer. Prost!

  3. I love German food! I love German beer! Never had a German hooker, though. Sounds like a really fun place to hang out, especially if you’re in the mood for getting schnockered. Still a hell of a commute for me, though.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  4. Geez Phil, misbehavin already with your gal out of town?! lol
    Looks like the staff was a bit naughty as well, surrounding those hookers. The owner must have been busy pimping on the days hookers and those in the coming days…

  5. I’ve not heard the term “German hookers” in the context of a drink before, is it some kind of spirit/shot? It sounds like you had a great night though and good to hear of such a diverse place with so many cuisine places close by.

  6. At first I thought the sausages were the hookers. I tend to catch on eventually. Never heard of the shot, but I love tequila, and the name is certainly fun albeit confusing. But what I wan to try is the chocolate cake shot! Intriguing!


  7. That plate of food looks awesome. I just love German food and fortunately I have some German friends who cook up brilliant authentic dishes and the ingredients come from their home town.

    I’m so hungry right now. It’s another lick the screen moment.

    1. Hey Smack of Ham!

      Thanks so much for dropping by and commenting on my hookers! Hope you stalk, um, follow me!

      I have a ton of food and drin reviews still to come! Prost!

  8. You had me at ‘chocolate’. Not sure how the lime with sugar figures into it but if it makes something taste like chocolate, I’m all in. You have your fill of hookers, I’ll have my fill of German chocolate and we’ll all go home happy and satisfied!

  9. German Chocolate Cake shots are a tradition in our family. Yes, weird at first, but very tasty! Sounds like a great place to check out! In all the times I’ve been to NYC, I definitely have not come across a German restaurant before…

    1. Hey Carrie!

      Thanks so much for dropping by and commenting! Hope you stalk, um, follow me!

      That is so cool that you know what these shots are! There are a bunch of really good German and Polish retaurants here. A few beer halls have also recently opned up. Prost!

  10. German food and vegetarians do not mix well! Once when I was in a restaurant in Austria I asked the server if I could just have a plate of veggies, and the chef ended up making me cauliflower schnitzel, which was delish! This was well before cauliflower came back into style…

    1. Hey Jill!

      Yeah, German food does not lend itself well to vegan options but you can just get some warm pretzels, German potato salad, and spaetzle! Yum!

  11. As the daughter of a German immigrant I applaud your choice in dining.

    German hookers 🙂 Oh funny man.

    Knackwurst is always my favorite and I feel often overlooked by many people. Looks like you had a great meal and got a little tipsy! Just how it should be. I swear, some of these places need to start putting your picture up on the wall or offering you free sides. Cool post, Phil.

    1. Hey Jean!

      I am a fan of knackwurst too. I pretty much like all kinds of German sausages so that’s why I usually get the combo platter. That, and I’m a bit of a food whore!

      There are so many good ethnic spots to eat here, and a few really good German ones. Glad you enjoyed my gluttony! 🙂

  12. 1. You are SO blessed to live in New York
    2. Do you ever see movie stars (Woody Allen?)
    3. LOVE the Brooklyn accent. (Soprano’s?)
    3. You had me on German Chocolate Cake shots, man.

  13. OK. OK. The secret is out: German food is pretty alright and can be quite yummy, and don’t get me started on the beers. I live in Germany so I should know!
    The sausages are great and if the staff are sneaking a few, you’re on to a winner. Prost! Great post. 🙂

    1. Hey Victoria!

      I love German food and beer! So good on a cold winter day, and a cold German brew at a bier garden on a warm summer night is just perfect. So glad we have a few of these spots in NYC!

    1. Hey Hazy!

      One can never have enough German Hookers!

      I think I drank enough beer and booze that it would kill anything a hooker could give me!

  14. “I love smelling like hookers! Don’t we all?” Weeners, hookers & beer, OH MY. The Regular Guy is like Visa, he’s everywhere I want to be! This is exactly how I Pinned & Tweeted about this post. That should bring readers flocking right over!
    We have a Schnitzel Haus here and I LOVE it so hard. The waitstaff looks straight out of a Chevy Chase movie, and the food is either delicious or based on a dare. That Liver Dumpling Soup? That is gross, it tastes like dirty gym socks, but the hookers? Man the Germans can really make a hooker.

    1. Hey Joy!

      Ha! Thanks so much for pinning and tweeting me. My, that sounds like dirty sex!

      German spots like these are great. Drinking beer from das boot is always fun too!

  15. I feel like this post should’ve been dedicated to me. 😉

    I’ve been having chocolate cake shots for years. Love them, but I always had with a lemon not a lime and it was only called chocolate cake, not German chocolate cake. Speaking of, did you know that German chocolate cake isn’t German? In fact, many Germans most likely wouldn’t enjoy it because it’s too sweet. It got it’s name from the chocolate used to make it way back when. I never knew that until I moved to Germany expecting to get some authentic German chocolate cake! Lol

    1. Hi Deanna!

      Actually, this post is now in your honor! Prost!

      I love German food, desserts, and beer! Lucky you living over there and getting that all the time.

Feel free to comment! We all have opinions!