German Hookers in Brooklyn? Schnitzel Haus has them!


I can’t believe I had to venture out to Brooklyn to get my first taste of German hookers! In fact, I had a bunch of hookers when I was there! They all tasted like sweet honey, and I still smelled like them the following morning! I love smelling like hookers! Don’t we all?

Yeah, I know, I could score hookers anywhere in NYC, but these hookers were strong and worth every penny. Some of them were even free! Our waitress kept bringing these hookers over to us so who were we to decline the hospitality? Hell no, I slurped up every one of them! Who can resist a tasty hooker? Not this guy and his merry group of deviant friends. Actually, the German hookers I am referring to here can be found at Schnitzel Haus over in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. It’s kind of an odd spot to find a German restaurant such as this being in an area which is predominantly Indian/Arabic/Middle Eastern as judging by the other businesses close by and the people walking the streets as we headed there. Didn’t matter to me as I’ll go most anywhere for good German food and beer. 

l (2)It was worth the trek out there. Wonderful atmosphere in a German restaurant adorned by rich woods, beer maiden garb, and terrific brews. Our waitress was attentive and funny. In fact, the whole staff was. She brought us over so many free German Hooker shots it became quite aware to us that we were getting sloshed this evening. On top of that, that bartender started sending over German Chocolate Cake shots. Amazing thing with this is that you have to eat a slice of lime with sugar on it before doing the shot to bring out the chocolate flavor. Sounds crazy, and I still think this is a screwed up joke, but it did taste like chocolate cake! I think we ended up getting more free shots than the shots we actually paid for. Bonus!

l (1)Oh yes, there was some pretty tasty food eaten in between all the shots. Sausage platter with bratwurst, knackwurst, weisswurst, keilbasa, bauernwurst, sauerkraut, potatoes, and red cabbage. All washed down with large glasses of Spaten and Warsteiner. All the while we noticed the staff was nipping at the shots themselves, so you know this is a fun type of place. I think everyone in this retaurant was a bit pickled! Good food, strong drinks, and drunk staff! Our waitress was a blast and kept goofing on us the whole night. I think she wanted to challenge us to a drink off. I have a funny feeling we would have lost to that beer frau pretty badly!

Photo credit - Schnitzel Haus
Photo credit – Schnitzel Haus

Had a great evening here with my friends. Lots of food, booze, and laughs. Some others that were going to come and bailed out missed a good time. Maybe it was a bit too far to travel for a few, but it’s always worth a trip to take some time and explore spots in different neighborhoods in and around NYC. With such a melting pot of cultures and peoples here one can find many gems hidden away out of their comfort zone of the hood they reside in.

All I do know is that those hookers were full of tequila. They treated us well and we all left satisfied. Not a German liquor but got the job done. Nuff said. Prost!

Photo credit - Schnitzel Haus
Photo credit – Schnitzel Haus


Schnitzel Haus –

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50 thoughts on “German Hookers in Brooklyn? Schnitzel Haus has them!”

  1. Awesome share, Phil. It’s always been a dream of mine and Mathair’s to go to Germany for Oktoberfest, where we’d probably end up in a food coma… content, but a food coma nevertheless. Matter of fact, we have a friend of the family that’s full-blooded German and gave Mathair her family’s 100 yr old recipe for crockpot sauerkraut cooked in beer; it’s been my special birthday meal for the past ten years.
    Inion N. Mathair recently posted…Interview with Writer, Rachel HarrellMy Profile

  2. That plate of food looks awesome. I just love German food and fortunately I have some German friends who cook up brilliant authentic dishes and the ingredients come from their home town.

    I’m so hungry right now. It’s another lick the screen moment.
    Rum Punch Drunk recently posted…The Fear of FearMy Profile

  3. German food and vegetarians do not mix well! Once when I was in a restaurant in Austria I asked the server if I could just have a plate of veggies, and the chef ended up making me cauliflower schnitzel, which was delish! This was well before cauliflower came back into style…

  4. As the daughter of a German immigrant I applaud your choice in dining.

    German hookers 🙂 Oh funny man.

    Knackwurst is always my favorite and I feel often overlooked by many people. Looks like you had a great meal and got a little tipsy! Just how it should be. I swear, some of these places need to start putting your picture up on the wall or offering you free sides. Cool post, Phil.
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  5. OK. OK. The secret is out: German food is pretty alright and can be quite yummy, and don’t get me started on the beers. I live in Germany so I should know!
    The sausages are great and if the staff are sneaking a few, you’re on to a winner. Prost! Great post. 🙂
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  6. “I love smelling like hookers! Don’t we all?” Weeners, hookers & beer, OH MY. The Regular Guy is like Visa, he’s everywhere I want to be! This is exactly how I Pinned & Tweeted about this post. That should bring readers flocking right over!
    We have a Schnitzel Haus here and I LOVE it so hard. The waitstaff looks straight out of a Chevy Chase movie, and the food is either delicious or based on a dare. That Liver Dumpling Soup? That is gross, it tastes like dirty gym socks, but the hookers? Man the Germans can really make a hooker.
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  7. I feel like this post should’ve been dedicated to me. 😉

    I’ve been having chocolate cake shots for years. Love them, but I always had with a lemon not a lime and it was only called chocolate cake, not German chocolate cake. Speaking of, did you know that German chocolate cake isn’t German? In fact, many Germans most likely wouldn’t enjoy it because it’s too sweet. It got it’s name from the chocolate used to make it way back when. I never knew that until I moved to Germany expecting to get some authentic German chocolate cake! Lol
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