I happen to fly occasionally on biz trips and it never amazes me what I observe on these planes and in airports. It seems as if many people, or sub-humans as it were, refuse to adhere to the rules of common courtesy. Life if hard enough as it is but when travelling the unfriendly skies it can get downright excruciating! There are always a select few that just get me in the gonads with a swift kick. Many times it’s the idiot seated next to me or close by that I can’t escape. I just don’t get why some people can’t just chill out for a few hours while travelling to our destinations while trapped in a metal tube that resembles a Tylenol pill with wings at 30,000 feet. Once again I jetted to Vegas last week for biz and had to deal with the normal set of humanoids on my flight. Oh joy! Let us take roll call!
1) The Line Smuggler. Yeah, the nimrod who feels as if they are too good to wait on the line for general boarding and tries to sneak in on the priority lane. When told they can’t board yet they sneakily just move over two feet and cut to the front of the line of all those already waiting. I really hope you choke on a mini-bag of peanuts you schmuck.
2) The Phone Fucktard. We all see the obsession. The person that just won’t turn off their phone even when the doors have been closed and the flight crew have come by to tell them to turn it off. Sure, I am also obsessed with my phone but will disconnect for a few hours and take a needed nap on a flight. I can appreciate being out of contact for a bit. Some of these people go into cold sweats and flight rage when told they can’t use their phone. Alec Baldwin anyone? Just turn off the damn phone!
3) The Asshat In My Lap. It never fails. I always sit behind someone who feels the need to recline their seat down all the way. Into my crotch. Seriously, some of these seats recline so far back that I could smack my hoo-ha onto the top of their head. That, and I’m also trapped. Forget about getting up to hit the bathroom, or lowering the tray to do some work on my computer. This was my whole flight back from Vegas to NYC. All five hours. He also snored. Kill me.
4) The Meatushead Behind Me. Every time they get up and down they have to push down on the back of my seat. With a thousand pounds of pressure. I feel as if I’m going to get launched like a sling shot across the plane when they let go. Not even an “excuse me” or “sorry about that”. Is it that hard to get out of your seat without giving me whiplash?
5) The Talkative Douchenozzle. The person that has to come over and have lengthy conversations with their friend or business associate seated seperately from them. Usually it’s the person stuck in the middle seat next to my aisle position. So this nimrod has to hover over me while leaning on the seat in front of me having a long ass conversation. Instead of both getting up and talking by the bathroom they have to annoy the heck out of me and blah, blah, blah over my head. Shut up already and sit down!
6) The Obnoxious Seat Oaf. Every damn flight. The people that just won’t take a seat. We’re trying to take off on time, the seat belts signs are on, the pilot has requested everyone take a seat, and they still get up to look in their luggage for something, run to the bathroom, or talk to a friend seated away from them. Annoying! Even worse is when those sitting next to you won’t take a seat and get up over and over during the flight. Sucks when I’m usually in my aisle seat and have to get up over and over for them. Sit your ass down already! I’m going to nail gun you to your seat!
7) The Flatulent Freak. The person who has to fart their brains out during the flight. We are all trapped in the plane and subjected to the nastiness of their flatulence. It smells nasty and there is no way to avoid it! Really? Really? You couldn’t hold it in? You could have let it rip in the bathroom you inconsiderate disgusting jerk! I feel sick.
Oh, the joys of air travel. Am I the only one who goes through this when flying? Let’s hear your horror stories and pet peeves when on a plane. There are idiots on each one!