I’m a people watcher. I just can’t help myself. When you live in a city populated with around 19,000,000 people there are just so many things they can do that can go hysterically wrong on a daily basis. Hey, I’m not perfect and can be a klutz at times myself. Yet, being the New Yorker that I am, there are moments when I can’t help but snicker at these hapless victims. It is just so evilly delicious when you come upon moments like these that leave an indelible image in your brain for the day. Yeah, I know it’s kind of mean, but I am wired to be a bit warped that way!
Some of my viewing guilty pleasures –
1) Guys in suits picking up piles of dog crap with their hand in a plastic bag. I even snicker more when it’s a hot sticky summer day out!
2) Women who’s ankles look like they are snapping in half because they are walking in super high heels and don’t really know how to walk in them. Snap, crackle, pop!
3) Watching some jerk run through the crowd and cut ahead of people to make the subway train that is about to pull out and the door shuts in his face. The conductor ignores him. Sucker!
4) Seeing a really big guy walking a small little yippy dog that belongs in a pocketbook.
5) Watching the person who spills a whole cup of coffee on themselves because they forgot to put the lid on tight running out of Starbucks.
6) Seeing people getting soaked in the rain because they refuse to carry an umbrella. Nice expensive suit bro! You now smell like wet dog all day!
7) Watching a person leave a store and walk into an entrance door because one side is locked. (Usually that is me also smacking my noggin against the glass!)
8) Viewing a person ahead of me trip on a crack in the sidewalk and then look around to see if anybody saw. I smile and wave hello!
9) Seeing people step in poop on the sidewalk while heading to the subway. Yuck. Avoid those sidewalk land mines!
10) Observing the guy/lady leaning against the pole/railing and ignoring the “wet paint” sign. Oooh – nice new dress pattern!
11) Seeing a douche leaving his expensive sportscar in a no-parking zone and getting a ticket before he can run back out of the store/Starbucks. Enjoy that $100 cup of coffee!
12) Watching the person ahead of me swiping their Metro Card and running through the turnstile only to be cut in half by the bar as the card did not register. Ouch! That’s gonna leave a mark!
Really – this city slays me!
What do you see out there daily that people do to make you laugh?
This post got me laughing so hard. That’s a good thing, I need a laugh every now and then. You just explained it all. The most embarrassing thing that happens to me often, is running to work and tripping over the sidewalk, and falling down and ripping my pants. The worst part is looking behind me and realizing that I didn’t trip over anything, it was just a crack. I’ve lost count of the number of times I had to go in to work with holes in my pants from falling down.
Hey Susana!
Happy to make you laugh!
Maybe you should wear a suit of armor on the way to work! Those sidewalk cracks are pants killers! 😉
Funny as usual! I commit numbers 7 and 12 on a regular basis… but in Chicago, so at least I have not felt your judgment :). People watching is awesome. This was a very fun post to read! You should do a series.
I would like to add another one: when cocky bicyclists fail: I once had my serpentine belt (at the time I had no idea what this was, my car just lost the ability to steer) break on a bridge when I was 18 in the summer. A cocky bicyclists drove by, laughed at me, and told me that’s what I get for not taking the subway. Little did he know I was helping a friend move that day, so I had to drive. Anyways, after being a complete dick and further adding to my anxiety he almost hit a hub cap in the street, swerved and hit the curb, and sailed over his bike handles into the guard rail. He got up and ran away with his bike. I almost peed myself laughing. I guess karma does exists.
Hey Jean!
Thanks so much! Glad you approve of my craziness!
I have done #7 myself and #12 on occasion. Just hope no one was looking.
If I saw that happen to the douche nozzle cyclist I would have shat myself laughing so hard! Karma is a beyotch! 🙂
I’ve committed 12 a few times it’s when you get sandwiched from behind that it get’s really embarrassing or you manage to steal the person behind’s swipe and they get stuck lol.
You have to smile at the people who eat at McDonalds but have a Diet Coke with their meal to be healthy
Hey Weird Guy!
Turnstile man-meat sandwich? On my!
Hey – I order a Diet Coke at McD’s! Stop laughing!
You must have the worst Karma! Hahaha!
Hey Susie!
Karma is a bitch as the saying goes! 🙂
Things that make me laugh on a daily basis in a mean way? Nothing quite daily, but there are a few things.
First timers at Starbucks trying to figure out how to place an order that sounds like they know what they’re talking about…(let’s face it, Starbucks is good, but also highly pretentious).
Fair skinned people who come to Florida and think that they can’t get sun burned because it’s “too cloudy out”.
People at the beach who put sunscreen on, but miss one giant strip on their back or legs that turns lobster red.
People who are so busy talking to someone else that they don’t notice the tree in front of them till they walk into it.
Hi Kitt!
I admit to being part of the Starbuck Borg. Hey, I am a gold card member and get a lot of free stuff from them so don’t judge me!
LOL – I know what you mean by FL sun. I was one of those idiots in the past. My fam is in Ocala so I know how hot it gets.
I love watching klutzy people!
I kind of figured you’d be a Starshmucks guy. I am, too. But it is kind of fun to watch a newbie struggle to place an order. 😉
And while I’m at it…here’s a bit of Starbucks humor for you…
http://youtu.be/Xi9BRgjvOlk
As for the people…it’s even more fun when it’s NOT due to klutziness. If you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time and you know it, stop trying!
LOL! That video is awesome! I had to watch it over and over to catch all the funny shit the squirrel was saying.
I knew you’d love it. He’s got other ones, but that’s my favorite.
Did post had me laughing out loud.
I think that if I tripped and then turned around and saw someone smiling and waving at me, It would actually make me laugh and forget my embarrassment…If however I was in a bad mood, I’d probably pepper spray the mofo.
Hey Lily Jo!
Thanks so much for dropping by my blog! Glad you got a laugh.
You sound like my kind of gal. I think I’m also kind of scared of you. 🙂
Love your blog too – very funny!
Ha! My favorite; people who try to introduce their dog to my cat when he’s puffed up and ready to tear their nose off! The poor dog looks at his owner as if to say, “Why are you doing this to me?”
Hello Nancy!
Thanks for dropping by and reading! Man, those cats will mess you up if they haven’t been de-clawed! Cats can be nasty, while dogs are kind of goofus at times.
Yes, this is the main reason I enjoy going to NY. We are big time people watchers and NY has an overflow of people who are so eclectic yet amusing. But I have to admit, every time I go, I am that person that gets sliced by the turnstile. Every time! It never fails. It’s always the wrong Metro Card or funds depleted.
Chow,
Carica
Hey Carica!
It’s just so easy to people watch here! So easy to get a laugh at the dumb things people do. I have to admit to getting blasted by a turnstile or two myself at time! 😉
My high heels usually get stuck in paving cracks and grouting channels. Feel like a right tit when it happens!
Hi Lanthie!
LOL – well, that’s one way to describe it! 🙂
Ugh, I’ve crashed into the subway turnstile before. It hurts for ladies, too.
I’m amused when I see people in suits, with briefcases, running for their lives to catch the train. I feel bad for them but they also look ridiculous.
Hi Jill!
Why does everyone love #12? Are we all that klutzy? That’s a lot of black & blues on our thighs – and not from a good way!
I love watching the suits have the door shut in their faces as they stand there all sweaty!
Hey Phil,
#12 — toppling over the turnstile like an intoxicated Mary Lou Retton. I thought I heard you laughing. As soon as I get clearance from my doctor, I’ll be crawling for you.
Hey John!
It seems #12 is quite popular! Are we all klutzy? Yes, that is me you heard snickering like Muttly and Dick Dastardly!
Hi there! Came over from Honey Proper! Thanks for the giggle! #s 2, 6, & 7 are universal!!! You will do anything for a laugh I see….not warning those poor souls about the poop, lol!
Hello Joi!
Thanks for dropping by my blog! Glad I gave you a laugh! Yes, those are pretty universal. Still funny to see.
Yeah, I can be bit of an a-hole that way for a laugh! Hope you sign up for my email blog updates – thanks!
I love all these Phil, especially number 8. I can just picture you now waving to say “hello” 🙂
Great observations Phil.
P.S. Did you get the e-mail I sent you a couple of days ago?
Hi Guy!
Glad you liked my newest crazy blog post! Yah, #8 is am evil one. LOL!
Yes, I just read your email. Sounds like a nice idea. I’ll look into it more over the weekend and get back to you. I appreciate you’re wanting to work with me on a blog post trade.
Bahaha! I hate when number 12 happens to me. That and number 7.
Hey Holly!
It seems like #12 is a popular one! #7 is also up there! Thanks for reading!
I have the worst luck with running into doors and windows, I am sorry to admit that I have done it many times 🙂 We recently got a tiny dog and I make my husband walk him every once in a while so that I can laugh at him (and so can everyone else).
Hey Frugal!
I have had my share of door mishaps! You are so evil doing that to hubby – I love it! 🙂
People watching is so much fun!
I have always wondered about #4. Is it his dog or hers? Is there more than one of them? If there is one small dog there are usually 4 or 5 more back at home, it seems like small dogs come in packs!
Hey Emily!
#4 makes me laugh. It just looks so unnatural. Those packs of small dogs can get nasty!
This brand of pleasure known as “schadenfreude.” Love #4, too. When he goes off the juice he is gonna be faaaaat.
Hey Astro!
I just can’t help myself. I’m a bit evil that way!