Ever have one of those days when you just miss the subway? Get caught at every red light? Miss the lottery jackpot by one number? How about people just infuriating you on a daily basis? Heck, even something as simple as riding the elevator can ruin your day. Here are a few of my personal pet peeves of elevator enragement!
–The guys that won’t stop talking business, or the ladies that won’t shut up with all the gossip, plus they won’t lower their voices.
Really? Can it wait a minute or two until you get out of the small coffin box we are all stuffed in? I really don’t care about your call reports or coworker problems or what idiots your kids are dating. Can I just have some peace for a minute before hitting the office?
– People that crowd into the elevator and get in your personal space.
What is it with people that feel the need to get all up in my grill when I am standing at the back of the elevator? Can you step forward just a bit? Sometimes I make out I am sick and start fake coughing and sneezing on them. Ha! That usually works.
– That one dillweed that keeps hitting the “open door” button to let everyone in, always when you are in a rush, and there are seven other elevators they can take!
This one infuriates me. Mr Goody Two Shoes wants to look all the nice guy and be considerate, but I need to get up to my office so I can hit the bathroom. Let’s go!
–The person who passes gas and reeks.
You smelly bastard! You inconsiderate jerk! Now I have to ride up twelve floors in a gas chamber? I hope you sharted yourself!
– Whole companies that seem to take lunch at exactly the same time and pile into what was the quiet empty elevator you were in.
It’s been a long morning. I just want an easy ride down to the street. Of course my elevator goes down one floor and what seems like the whole company there is on lunch break and wants to pile in all at once. Oy vey!
–The person who will just not stop the conversation they are having on the phone, and it keeps losing the signal.
Dude, shut the hell up! I don’t want to be trapped hearing your phone call. Can you hear me now?
– The moron who keeps hitting the wrong button because they forget what floor they are on, or thinks pushing it ten times will make it come faster.
Uh, lady, I just pressed the button. It is glowing red. Pressing it five more times will not make it come any faster. OCD much?
– The person who feels the need to strike up a conversation with me knowing we are complete strangers.
Why are you talking to me? It’s early. I don’t know you. I have not even had my third coffee yet. Shaddup!
– The person who has to take the elevator up or down one friggin’ floor when they can easily take the stairs.
One floor. You took the elevator one friggin’ floor when you could have taken the stairs. There is nothing wrong with you. How can you be so lazy?
– The delivery guy that piles the elevator full with packages and stops at every floor on the way up, while keeping the doors open.
This is torture to be trapped with Mr Delivery Guy when he does this. I know he is just doing his job, but I am bailing out at the next floor!
So, what raises your ire on the elevator? Is there a lack of elevator etiquette where you work?