Elevator Enragement!

funny-elevator-prankEver have one of those days when you just miss the subway? Get caught at every red light? Miss the lottery jackpot by one number? How about people just infuriating you on a daily basis? Heck, even something as simple as riding the elevator can ruin your day. Here are a few of my personal pet peeves of elevator enragement!


The guys that won’t stop talking business, or the ladies that won’t shut up with all the gossip, plus they won’t lower their voices.

Really? Can it wait a minute or two until you get out of the small coffin box we are all stuffed in? I really don’t care about your call reports or coworker problems or what idiots your kids are dating. Can I just have some peace for a minute before hitting the office?

– People that crowd into the elevator and get in your personal space.

What is it with people that feel the need to get all up in my grill when I am standing at the back of the elevator? Can you step forward just a bit? Sometimes I make out I am sick and start fake coughing and sneezing on them. Ha! That usually works.


That one dillweed that keeps hitting the “open door” button to let everyone in, always when you are in a rush, and there are seven other elevators they can take!

This one infuriates me. Mr Goody Two Shoes wants to look all the nice guy and be considerate, but I need to get up to my office so I can hit the bathroom. Let’s go!

The person who passes gas and reeks.

You smelly bastard! You inconsiderate jerk! Now I have to ride up twelve floors in a gas chamber? I hope you sharted yourself!


Whole companies that seem to take lunch at exactly the same time and pile into what was the quiet empty elevator you were in.

It’s been a long morning. I just want an easy ride down to the street. Of course my elevator goes down one floor and what seems like the whole company there is on lunch break and wants to pile in all at once. Oy vey!

The person who will just not stop the conversation they are having on the phone, and it keeps losing the signal. 

Dude, shut the hell up! I don’t want to be trapped hearing your phone call. Can you hear me now?


The moron who keeps hitting the wrong button because they forget what floor they are on, or thinks pushing it ten times will make it come faster.

Uh, lady, I just pressed the button. It is glowing red. Pressing it five more times will not make it come any faster. OCD much?

The person who feels the need to strike up a conversation with me knowing we are complete strangers.

Why are you talking to me? It’s early. I don’t know you. I have not even had my third coffee yet. Shaddup!


The person who has to take the elevator up or down one friggin’ floor when they can easily take the stairs.

One floor. You took the elevator one friggin’ floor when you could have taken the stairs. There is nothing wrong with you. How can you be so lazy?

The delivery guy that piles the elevator full with packages and stops at every floor on the way up, while keeping the doors open.

This is torture to be trapped with Mr Delivery Guy when he does this. I know he is just doing his job, but I am bailing out at the next floor!




So, what raises your ire on the elevator? Is there a lack of elevator etiquette where you work?

46 thoughts on “Elevator Enragement!”

  1. HAHA- yes that numnut that pushes the same button after youve pushed it. That drives me crazy. Something else that bothers me is when the elevator opens and the people outside the elevator are rushing to get in but doesnt realize you have to GET OFF first!! Slow it down people, you can have my spot if you just let me by. And you already know how the farters make me want to kill them from my recent post about the airplanes.

    1. Hey Holli!

      It seems the button pusher mention has really pushed some buttons here! That angers people!

      Also, try getting off and on a subway every day during rush hours. People are rude. Don’t even get me started on the farters. I was on a plane last week and someone near me polluted the air!

      Have a great weekend!

  2. I am starting to worry about you Phil. 🙂 You may give yourself a heart attack! I would buy yourself a Sony Walkman and play some really Zen music and then imagine a really happy place… **grin**

    1. Hey Susie!

      Nah, I am just grumpy in the morning. These numnuts just rile me up before I’ve even had a chance to have my pot of coffee! 🙂

      Walkman? I still carry a boom box with me and listen to Run DMC!

  3. Printing out your map of where to stand in an elevator and putting it in my purse. I will never again leave home without it!

  4. The button re-pusher is criminal number 3. Cell-phone yacker; 2. And the bitch with the hair that just has to be flipped in my face…number 1!

    Yeah, I hate that one.


    1. Hey Up!

      For the #1 that’s when you bring scissors with you and go all Edward Scissorhands on her!

      Yet, I still don’t get the re-pushers. It’s like people just can’t help themselves!

  5. Really loved this post! And it is so true that the business in elevators can basically ruin your day 🙂 One thing I really hate is when someone who is already in the elevator sees me dashing through the lobby to get to the damn elevator and this ‘someone’ pushes the button just in time and close the elevator door blocking my entrance. Really? Could you be a bit more helpful and help me get through???

    1. Hello Vinma!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! 🙂

      LOL – I have seen that happen so many times! That’s when it is cool to be considerate. I hate when that happens in the subway too. The conductor will see us approaching the doors and let them close, even when he is looking right at you!

  6. I hate elevators! I often will take the stairs to avoid them if I can (even if it is 6 flights 🙂 I really hate when people are chatty, I don’t want to talk to you in a tiny moving box!

  7. Holli has nailed my pet peeve on using an elevator, make room people let users out first before you get in. I always stand a little distance away from the door when waiting for the elevator to arrive. That way when the doors open I can tell if there is someone in already and how many want to get off.

    I feel your pain Phil and share your frustrations. I love the standing guide pictures, can we make them mandatory inside every lift?

    1. Hey Guy!

      I go through that almost every day with the subways here too!

      Elevators should post that map in every one! Still, you just know no one would adhere to it!

  8. This is hilarious. Every New Yorker can relate too. I’m not sure which one is the worst–there are too many! Before I lived here, I avoided elevators at all costs, but I can’t any longer. Now, they are a way of life!

    1. Hey Tracey!

      Glad I made you laugh! Yeah, in NYC we kinda need them as it’s impossible to avoid them with all the taller buildings. I live in a six story tenement with both stairs and an elevator. It amazes me when I get in and people stop at the 2nd floor. WTF?

      Thanks for commenting!

    1. Hey Lisa!

      Every day I watch people re-pushing the button – right after they see me pushing it! Why? The one floor riders drive me nuts too!

  9. Yup! Elevators suck! You’ve pretty much covered all the worst possible elevator scenarios. LOL!

    I hate being crushed in a small box. Reminds me of “Deadliest Catch” and how the crabs must feel.

    1. Hey Lauren!

      I think the worst would be stuck in an elevator with a bunch of these fools when it breaks down! The worst are the Macy’s elevators here in the city. You can see real road rage about to happen in those!

  10. People on elevators love to talk to me. Personally, though, I find it fun to fart on an elevator. The responses are priceless.

  11. Seriously, I don’t know why people can’t figure out where to stand, this is something that always creeps me out, I like my personal space!

    Now if only we could get these dumb$%*#$ to read your post.

  12. If people on the elevator are comfortable discussing their personal lives, I jump right in and offer advice. If it’s a about kids, one phrase, “military school.” If it’s about a co-worker, I chime in and say, “I’m sure she feels the same way about you.”

  13. This was a very funny article. I would be pissed if someone farts in it if I was there. I would get out right away and take the stairs. I would not waste time smelling the stink, it would make me puke. Also, I have to deal with taking the elevator myself every week because I work in a tall building. I cannot believe some people have the nerve to take the elevator up just one floor, can’t they walk? A few times I was in a hurry and I got those one floor people that were too lazy to take the stairs. What’s wrong with these people? They were making me late because of that. I hate that when it happens.

  14. too funny, the stuff I miss working in a two story building! Although, i take the elevator up in the morning and down in the afternoon. My morning classroom is downstairs and my afternoon classroom is upstairs and I have a cart with all of my crap err teaching supplies. It is big enough for three teachers and their carts or several teachers and students on crutches. The ride is slllllloooooowwwwwww, but I don’t have to deal with what you do… thanks for the laugh! I needed it.

  15. Elevators make me nervous, especially when people decide they can’t wait and stuff themselves in to a full one–and I’m in the back. Ugh. I feel my pulse picking up at just the thought. I’m a tad claustrophobic. Just a tad. LOL

  16. I love that chart!

    I hate people that need to hold the doors for everyone too. We have places to go, people! I know I’m a jerk, but I just look the other way, unless I’m in an especially nice mood. It’s like holding the subway doors open. Eventually, the train has to leave.

    1. Hey Jill!

      I think that chart should be placed in all elevators. Oh, I can’t stand those idiots that keep holding open the subway doors. I have screamed at people for that when I’m in a mood!

  17. You know what I love about you, Phil? You’ll take any excuse to rage. Just so you know, sometimes I’m that girl that likes to stand smack dab in the middle of the elevator even though there are perfectly good corners available to stand in. 😉

  18. I am sooo on your page with elevator etiquette! Thought I would bust a blood vessel laughing at your picture of the diagram of a set of stairs taped beside the 1st floor button!
    UP, I too loath the hair flipper! In elevators or line ups… gak!
    My personal pet peeve is definitely when people block my escape route by trying to push on. ARGGGGGHHH. I have actually said, “Step away from the door until I get off. NOW” I find being scary is a good way to get people our of the way.
    Oh and Susie sent me. Thanks for the great post. It is always nice to meet a fellow ranter.

    1. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! Susie is very cool and I appreciate you checking out my blog.

      So glad you enjoyed this blog post and my rant. I have some more coming!

      Oh yeah, I have made it known loudly I am getting off when people won’t move aside. Scary works!

Feel free to comment! We all have opinions!