Elevator Enragement!

funny-elevator-prankEver have one of those days when you just miss the subway? Get caught at every red light? Miss the lottery jackpot by one number? How about people just infuriating you on a daily basis? Heck, even something as simple as riding the elevator can ruin your day. Here are a few of my personal pet peeves of elevator enragement!

 

The guys that won’t stop talking business, or the ladies that won’t shut up with all the gossip, plus they won’t lower their voices.

Really? Can it wait a minute or two until you get out of the small coffin box we are all stuffed in? I really don’t care about your call reports or coworker problems or what idiots your kids are dating. Can I just have some peace for a minute before hitting the office?

– People that crowd into the elevator and get in your personal space.

What is it with people that feel the need to get all up in my grill when I am standing at the back of the elevator? Can you step forward just a bit? Sometimes I make out I am sick and start fake coughing and sneezing on them. Ha! That usually works.

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That one dillweed that keeps hitting the “open door” button to let everyone in, always when you are in a rush, and there are seven other elevators they can take!

This one infuriates me. Mr Goody Two Shoes wants to look all the nice guy and be considerate, but I need to get up to my office so I can hit the bathroom. Let’s go!

The person who passes gas and reeks.

You smelly bastard! You inconsiderate jerk! Now I have to ride up twelve floors in a gas chamber? I hope you sharted yourself!

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Whole companies that seem to take lunch at exactly the same time and pile into what was the quiet empty elevator you were in.

It’s been a long morning. I just want an easy ride down to the street. Of course my elevator goes down one floor and what seems like the whole company there is on lunch break and wants to pile in all at once. Oy vey!

The person who will just not stop the conversation they are having on the phone, and it keeps losing the signal. 

Dude, shut the hell up! I don’t want to be trapped hearing your phone call. Can you hear me now?

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The moron who keeps hitting the wrong button because they forget what floor they are on, or thinks pushing it ten times will make it come faster.

Uh, lady, I just pressed the button. It is glowing red. Pressing it five more times will not make it come any faster. OCD much?

The person who feels the need to strike up a conversation with me knowing we are complete strangers.

Why are you talking to me? It’s early. I don’t know you. I have not even had my third coffee yet. Shaddup!

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The person who has to take the elevator up or down one friggin’ floor when they can easily take the stairs.

One floor. You took the elevator one friggin’ floor when you could have taken the stairs. There is nothing wrong with you. How can you be so lazy?

The delivery guy that piles the elevator full with packages and stops at every floor on the way up, while keeping the doors open.

This is torture to be trapped with Mr Delivery Guy when he does this. I know he is just doing his job, but I am bailing out at the next floor!

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So, what raises your ire on the elevator? Is there a lack of elevator etiquette where you work?

46 thoughts on “Elevator Enragement!”

  1. HAHA- yes that numnut that pushes the same button after youve pushed it. That drives me crazy. Something else that bothers me is when the elevator opens and the people outside the elevator are rushing to get in but doesnt realize you have to GET OFF first!! Slow it down people, you can have my spot if you just let me by. And you already know how the farters make me want to kill them from my recent post about the airplanes.
    Holli recently posted…West, Texas (that is in Central Texas and not out west)My Profile

    1. Hey Holli!

      It seems the button pusher mention has really pushed some buttons here! That angers people!

      Also, try getting off and on a subway every day during rush hours. People are rude. Don’t even get me started on the farters. I was on a plane last week and someone near me polluted the air!

      Have a great weekend!
      filbio310 recently posted…Elevator Enragement!My Profile

    1. Hey Susie!

      Nah, I am just grumpy in the morning. These numnuts just rile me up before I’ve even had a chance to have my pot of coffee! 🙂

      Walkman? I still carry a boom box with me and listen to Run DMC!
      filbio310 recently posted…Elevator Enragement!My Profile

  2. Really loved this post! And it is so true that the business in elevators can basically ruin your day 🙂 One thing I really hate is when someone who is already in the elevator sees me dashing through the lobby to get to the damn elevator and this ‘someone’ pushes the button just in time and close the elevator door blocking my entrance. Really? Could you be a bit more helpful and help me get through???
    vinma recently posted……From Your Neighborhood Insurance Advisor!My Profile

    1. Hello Vinma!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! 🙂

      LOL – I have seen that happen so many times! That’s when it is cool to be considerate. I hate when that happens in the subway too. The conductor will see us approaching the doors and let them close, even when he is looking right at you!
      filbio310 recently posted…Elevator Enragement!My Profile

  3. Holli has nailed my pet peeve on using an elevator, make room people let users out first before you get in. I always stand a little distance away from the door when waiting for the elevator to arrive. That way when the doors open I can tell if there is someone in already and how many want to get off.

    I feel your pain Phil and share your frustrations. I love the standing guide pictures, can we make them mandatory inside every lift?
    The Guy recently posted…5 Reasons Why I Dislike This Type Of Hotel ShowerMy Profile

    1. Hey Tracey!

      Glad I made you laugh! Yeah, in NYC we kinda need them as it’s impossible to avoid them with all the taller buildings. I live in a six story tenement with both stairs and an elevator. It amazes me when I get in and people stop at the 2nd floor. WTF?

      Thanks for commenting!
      filbio310 recently posted…Elevator Enragement!My Profile

    1. Hey Lauren!

      I think the worst would be stuck in an elevator with a bunch of these fools when it breaks down! The worst are the Macy’s elevators here in the city. You can see real road rage about to happen in those!
      filbio310 recently posted…Elevator Enragement!My Profile

  4. If people on the elevator are comfortable discussing their personal lives, I jump right in and offer advice. If it’s a about kids, one phrase, “military school.” If it’s about a co-worker, I chime in and say, “I’m sure she feels the same way about you.”
    Astro Gremlin recently posted…7 More Forgotten SuperherosMy Profile

  5. This was a very funny article. I would be pissed if someone farts in it if I was there. I would get out right away and take the stairs. I would not waste time smelling the stink, it would make me puke. Also, I have to deal with taking the elevator myself every week because I work in a tall building. I cannot believe some people have the nerve to take the elevator up just one floor, can’t they walk? A few times I was in a hurry and I got those one floor people that were too lazy to take the stairs. What’s wrong with these people? They were making me late because of that. I hate that when it happens.
    Susana King recently posted…Bubblews is One of the Best Money Making Sites in the WorldMy Profile

  6. too funny, the stuff I miss working in a two story building! Although, i take the elevator up in the morning and down in the afternoon. My morning classroom is downstairs and my afternoon classroom is upstairs and I have a cart with all of my crap err teaching supplies. It is big enough for three teachers and their carts or several teachers and students on crutches. The ride is slllllloooooowwwwwww, but I don’t have to deal with what you do… thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
    clay recently posted…Postcards from Spring Break – 2013My Profile

  7. I love that chart!

    I hate people that need to hold the doors for everyone too. We have places to go, people! I know I’m a jerk, but I just look the other way, unless I’m in an especially nice mood. It’s like holding the subway doors open. Eventually, the train has to leave.
    Jill Pinnella Corso recently posted…Project Optimism: Rewrite!My Profile

  8. I am sooo on your page with elevator etiquette! Thought I would bust a blood vessel laughing at your picture of the diagram of a set of stairs taped beside the 1st floor button!
    UP, I too loath the hair flipper! In elevators or line ups… gak!
    My personal pet peeve is definitely when people block my escape route by trying to push on. ARGGGGGHHH. I have actually said, “Step away from the door until I get off. NOW” I find being scary is a good way to get people our of the way.
    Oh and Susie sent me. Thanks for the great post. It is always nice to meet a fellow ranter.
    traveling crone recently posted…My Bucket List for the Elephant Nature ParkMy Profile

    1. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! Susie is very cool and I appreciate you checking out my blog.

      So glad you enjoyed this blog post and my rant. I have some more coming!

      Oh yeah, I have made it known loudly I am getting off when people won’t move aside. Scary works!
      filbio310 recently posted…I’m on a boat! Rocks Off Concert Cruise!My Profile

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