Eff you Cupid! Valentine’s Day Loathing.

FatGuyCupid-300x298Here we are again ladies and gents. February 14th, 2013. Valentine’s Day. One of the most anticipated and loathed days of the year. A made up holiday that has gone beyond being overhyped over the decades. A day when relationships can be bonded stronger than ever, or die a horrible excruciating death. A day when the flower companies, and even the sidewalk bodegas in NYC ridiculously inflate their prices to give us all forced anal enemas. The greeting card companies make a killing on this day with some of the most expensive and vomit inducing cheesy cards of the year. Don’t even get me started on the mediocre candy companies that sell a ton of heart shaped boxes containing lousy tasting chocolate selections. Sheesh – just go into your nearest Duane Reade, CVS, Walgreens, or any other drug store chain and you will see rows upon rows of this stuff. Look for the aisles that are all decked out in pink and red. Some people are all gung-ho about V-Day. Some couples plan elaborate dinners and expensive gifts. Celebrities flaunt it in the newstand rags. Coworkers show off the nauseating flowers and gifts they received on their desks. People gush about how “my boyfriend” or “my wonderful wife” or “my hubby” got me this or that. “We’re so in love!”

funny-valentine-cupid

Gag me already. No, please, kill me now. Yet, as the sucker I am I still went out and did my part to support this horrible of days. Why? Well, because no man wants to be “that guy” that did not do something special for their gal. Plus, there is no way I want to feel the wrath of a woman scorned. Also, I gotta admit that I have a cool ass chick at home. She likes cards so that was an easy one. She also is a rocker chick so the KISS Pez Limited Edition Gift Set was a killer choice and no-brainer when I saw it in the store. When she unwrapped it this morning I asked if she liked it and with a big smile proclaimed “hell yeah!” “Screw flowers – this is way better!” Rock on! \m/

223485_10152552213485015_2072469006_nSee boys, sometimes you just got to know what your gal really appreciates. It’s not about giving flowers or candy, as those are lame and can be given at any day or time. Dinner out? Eh, we do that all the time anyway. There’s no real thought in that. Give the perfect little gift that shows you appreciate and know her. Same thing goes for you ladies out there. Guys are simple and easy to please. We don’t go for all that mushy nonsense. We like cologne, new shaving gear, tickets to a ball game, an ipod, a home cooked meal, sex, etc. Sex is always a good gift, by the way. Can’t go wrong there.  😉

forget-blow-jobs-flowers-valentines-day-ecard-someecards

It feels good to know that I’m not in the doghouse when I get home later. I’m did my due diligence and can be rest assured that I won’t have to scramble to the store after work to go buy something. I always see those last-minute people with that panic stricken look in their eyes shopping for cards and chocolates on the way home from work. Not me!

funny-cupid

 

 

Wonder how many of you are in that boat today? Does Cupid have you by the coconuts? Do you love or hate that little guy with his arrows of doom?

 

 

 

41 thoughts on “Eff you Cupid! Valentine’s Day Loathing.”

    1. Hi Taryn!

      I always laugh about the White Castle Valentine’s Day thing! Just be sure to keep the bathroom clear the next morning!

      Glad you agree with my V-Day rant! Happy V-Day to you! 🙂

  1. This is so funny and I am just coming from Julie Catherine’s hilarious post with the opposite sentiment. Where did you get those pictures???? Fantastic..
    Have a Happy Valentine’s Day anyway and have fun at the party! I know you will!

    1. Hi Susie!

      Glad I made you laugh. Damn, you can find anything on the web. Those goofy pics have been around forever.

      I need to check out those other posts on your party, some great writers there! As always, thanks for hosting on your terrific blog!

      Happy V-Day!

  2. I came over from Susie’s party. This is hilarious and the pictures are priceless. I do however enjoy Valentine’s Day because it just happens to be my anniversary, but I completely get how it can also be a downer. Great Post!

    1. Hi Lisa!

      Thanks so much for dropping by! So glad you liked my post and found it funny. I’ll be sure to drop by yours too.

      Happy Anniversary! I guess V-Day is a really special day for you!

  3. H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. – Hi there – I’ve just popped in from Susie’s wild partayyy! She know how to get things rocking. Loved your post and am sending it on to my kids (all over 25) – I could hear their voices all through this!
    My post is on the serious side but an important message to pass on! Enjoy this Pezz candies tonight … if your sweetheart will share …
    http://patriciasands.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/v-day-2013-how-will-you-rise-up/

    1. Hi Patricia!

      Glad you liked my blog post! Thanks for dropping by my blog and reading. I appreciate the compliment!

      Susie is a great blogger and is cool for hosting these parties. I’ll be sure to check out you blog too.

      Hope your kids like my post – I am honored that you are passing it on. 🙂

  4. LOL! Hilarious post indeed, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! My brother posted, “Happy Hallmark Day” on his wall this morning, and it inspired me to write a Valentines Day poem – in the fashion of Dr. Seuss and the Grinch (my fav Christmas show, but it has to be the cartoon one!) LOL! Nice to meet you, thanks to Susie! 🙂

    1. Hi Julie!

      Thanks for dropping by my blog! Glad you liked my V-Day post! I’ll be sure to check yours out too.

      Gotta hand it to Susie for hosting these blog parties. Great to meet you too! 🙂

  5. i made Brent his favorite dinner. He ordered some edible arrangement that never came. then had the fun of trying to call edible arrangements all day to no avail. RIDIC.
    Its a silly holiday but i will admit, knowing my chocolate strawberries are sitting in a box somewhere makes me weepy. i hate soggy strawberries LOL

    1. Hi Monique!

      Happy Valentine’s Day! Well, I would expect nothing less than you cooking an amazing meal. Sucks about edible arrangements. Maybe the delivery guys got hungry and ate your chocolate strawberries! I would have!

      Burgers, beer, and tater tots for us tonight! 🙂

  6. I’m pretty much with you on a lot of this Phil. A commercially contrived event with the sole intention to get us to spend money on over priced nonsense.

    I tell my bride-to-be that every day is Valentine’s Day, it is for me everyday she is with me.

    Like you I did the honourable thing and bought gifts and a card. Mind I often buy her gifts so that is no big deal. It is all the forced and expected you must be so in love and so happy it’s Valentine’s Day nonsense.

    I had a discussion about this at work yesterday and all the blokes agreed that Valentine’s was really a thing for the girls; blokes couldn’t give two hoots about it.

    1. Hey Guy!

      Us blokes are all pretty much in agreement on this one. But I do like your suave way of telling your “bride-to-be that every day is Valentine’s Day, it is for me everyday she is with me”. That is genious!

      Still, we all do the right thing and get them some token of love and appreciation. Better than being in the doghouse!

      Thanks for reading and have a good weekend!

  7. I love the stank cupid pics! The Dollar Tree and the closest drugstore completes my Vday shopping. Went to Walgreens at 8:00 last night to get toilet tissue and every line was at least 10 people deep (majority men holding tiny teddy bears and overpriced withered roses).
    I’m in agreement with you, we go out to eat often, so no special dinner reservation is needed on Feb. 14. Just give me my Pecan turtles and a sistah is happy.

    1. Hello Carica!

      Ha! Looks like you ran into just what I described! Too funny.

      Last night it was beers, burgers, and tater tots for us at a terrific local joint! That’s all we needed!

      Thanks for dropping by and have a great weekend!

  8. KISS pez?! Dang you’re good. I would have loved that. I have a Gene Simmons Christmas ornament that stays out all year. Dont get me wrong, i was over the moon when i received flowers at work yesterday but i told him not to because its too expensive. I’m fine with a cheap bouquet from the supermarket.
    Burgers and tots sound delish. ( Napoleon Dynamite “give me your tots”!)

    1. Hi Holli!

      Thanks for dropping by! Yeah, she loves KISS so this was an easy one. I actually bought two so we can save one of them. Such a fun concert to go to.

      Give me your tots! Have a great weekend!

  9. Valentine’s Day pisses me off more than any other Holiday. That’s why I do my love stories in February, I know, it doesn’t make sense…but it sure as heck makes me feel better…especially when the love goes wrong!

    Marvelous rant, you were speaking for me!

    UP

    1. Hello UP!

      So glad you liked my newest post on the virtues of V-Day! It’s such an overplayed holiday. Everything becomes a ripoff – flowers, dinner, candy, etc.

      If I had to see one more cheesy jewelry commercial on tv I was gonna scream!

  10. Well I haven’t been in a relationship in a while and I had forgotten it was Valentines Day and I didn’t notice it till it was over. Valentines Day sure did suck this time, but I’m sure I’m not the only one that is single out there not getting any roses or gifts on that day.

    1. Hi Susana!

      Eh, it’s such an overhyped day anyway. Don’t sweat it. I’m sure you’ll meet someone that will make every day V-Day for you.

  11. V-day majorly disike – it gets a lot of hype in elementary school and they come to middle school all hooted up about it with raging hormones and no V-day celebration. Trying to teach on V-day is almost impossible – I DO FEEL LIKE like a soap commercial on V-day. But, I did get my wife a dozen beautiful roses on the Saturday before – and paid $18 for the dozen – before the price hike and a card, but alas no ____ (you fill in the blank)! thanks for the laugh!

    1. Hi Clay!

      Glad you liked my post, and had a good laugh. Buying the roses in advance is key to saving cash since it’s all a ripoff on V-Day. As long as you took care of the wife that’s what counts!

  12. I was one of those suckers that was out looking for a card on V-day!

    Yeah, I like my husband and everything, but let’s not go crazy with the over-spending on gifts that end up in the garbage/my belly.

    1. Hi Jill!

      It’s such a crazy day to overspend when everything related is jacked up. Still, if it’s something good that ends up in the belly that ain’t too bad if it’s worth the calories!

  13. I’m with you on this buddy. The day is a veered off course pagan holiday that has been marketed to perfection and leaves us no choice but to comply.

    One of my best friends goes to White Castle with her partner as a way of sticking it to the corporations.

    Personally this year I decided to celebrate it with my wife the before Valentines day! And I got her goodies from someone who makes them year round. Except that this time of the year they are in heart shapes.

    Nobody wants to be “that guy”, but you can avoid being “that guy” while still sticking it to the machine!

    Fack you hallmark!

    1. Hey Angel!

      Thanks for reading! I always get a kick out of the White Castle promotion for V-Day!

      Yes, it’s always better to get the goodies and flowers before V-day as it’s much cheaper and not a ripoff. Even the restaurants have special menus that day thay usually suck and are overpriced.

      Hallmark feeds off the suckers on this day. So do all the flower companies. Still, as men in relationships we have to do the right thing!

  14. I hate Valentine’s day. You’ll see why. My husband and I don’t celebrate. We don’t do gifts or flowers or cheezy BS. He usually gets us some live lobsters, and we use the holiday as an excuse to eat really terrible but delicious food, but we don’t ham it up because I hate it. I could go on…but I won’t.

  15. Agreed! I’ll admit, my guy does the nice Valentine’s Day stuff very well – he’s a gentleman – but I don’t buy into the face dinners or big gifts. Everywhere is overcrowded and over priced. Not our style. So, if there’s thought put into the gift that really is worth it. Hope you and your lady have a great day!

    1. Hey Jean!

      Sounds like you got a keeper there! Be sure to treat him well right back. I’m sure you have a little sexy something planned! 😉

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