Welcome Welcome Welcome! Come on in. Let me take that coat. Saunter up to the bar and have a cocktail. Mix and mingle. What’s that you say? Why yes, this soiree is pants optional. I would have it no other way. Have some chips and dip. I made it myself with my special sauce. Secret ingredient that adds a little kick to it. Don’t even ask. So glad you could all cum, and not too early either. No one wants to be arrive prematurely. Kind of spoils the fun, and your underwear. Yet, this is a way to get a good seat for all the action. Relax! Spread your legs, enjoy, and let many sordid tales be told. I even wore my studded assless leather chaps for this one. Yes, I dress to impress.
Just wanted to offer a big shout out to all my guests! Thanks for dropping in. I see some of you even dressed for the occasion. Oh honey, you shouldn’t have worn that. Dude, does your mommy dress you in the dark. You purposely trying not to get laid? Oh, I kid, I kid. No really. Yes, I do. No. So glad you could all make it to my first ever virtual blog party where you get to take over my abode of a twisted blog. Don’t mind some of the creepers lurking around here. I’m sure by the end of the night anyway you’ll all be half naked in the bathroom doing strange things with my loofah to each other. All I ask is that you clean up after your nasty selves, and if some of you pervs end up in my bedroom be prepared to enter the world of internet porn. Not saying I have cameras hidden around my place. Oh, did you remember to sign the waiver and bring it with you? Just want to be protected in case some of you do damage to yourselves playing with the sex swing and assorted toys laying about. They are just for display purposes only. Wink Wink. Oh, don’t mind that little red light in the bookcase and behind the mirror. It’s nothing. Really.
Here’s how this shindig works. In the comments section every guest needs to jot down the sordid dating/relationship/sex details of a crazy/embarrassing incident in their own lives (keep it reasonably sized) and then include a link to any ONE blog post you would like to feature past or present. Be creative, be open, and let the tales fly.
Click on a few links and discover new friends! Invite other guests over to your blog for naked Twister. Send dick pics and naked selfies. I don’t care as long as no one vomits on my couch. There are always new people showing up at a party. Some even follow you home. Try to leave a short hook with your link, so the victims know what your post is about. Click on a few and tell them, “I got wasted at Phil’s party.” They should hopefully click back to your place. Maybe never leave. You could “tie up” a few new subscribers in your basements.
Just don’t be “that guy or gal” who leaves a link and runs home to their blow up doll. Make sure to stay a while, get drunk, meet my perverted friends. Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?
I’ll start this off with a dating nightmare tale of when I had a truly hot little number for dinner. No, really, she caught on fire. Check out this past post I wrote about that dating disaster –
I am sure we also have our tales of strange places we have had sex. Like the time as a teen when the gal I was fooling around with broke into a model home to have at it in the bedroom. Now if you have ever been in model homes many are fully furnished. We took advantage of that fact and climbed in a back window and headed updstairs to the master bedroom. After a night of “playing house” and getting high we fell asleep only to be awoken by the morning sun and the pitter patter of feet coming up the stairs. Holy crap the home was open for viewings and people were now in our bedroom staring in shock at our naked bodies! I thought it was a dream as I groggily rubbed my eyes to see a shrieking mom cover little Johnny’s eyes as she took in the grandeur of my morning wood. The real estate agent starting screaming at us and threatened to call the cops as we frantically grabbed our clothes and ran out of there practically buck naked into the street. We jumped into my car and peeled out of there laughing all the way to the McDonald’s drive thru for breakfast. That must have been a sight for the pimply faced kid working the drive thru window. Naked breakfast McMuffins rules. True story bro.
Now let’s get this party started. Oh, I see some of you have shed your pants already. Nice! Can’t wait to read some of your amazing tales. Please pass the dip and bacon lube.