Do girls poop? I was recently confronted with that question and still pondering an answer. Does anyone really know? It’s one of those mysteries of the universe. When dating we never really see them go to the bathroom to take a hairy dump. If they do go it’s usually for a quick pee so there is no way they can squeeze out a quick one in that time. Not like us dudes as we can clip off some cable in minutes and be right back at the dinner table without missing a beat. Plus, don’t even suggest they go in a public place! That is akin to heresy! Here in NYC there is a definite lack of clean public restrooms to use other than finding a Starbucks without a line of people waiting as long as at the DMV. Even some of those can be pretty scary at times. Women will actually hold it in all day than sacrifice sitting their butt flesh on a foreign toilet seat. Just do the hover! I could never do that to myself. Guys are like bears and the whole city is our woods, or toilet bowl so to speak. I have discovered some ingenious spots to get relief – hotels, restaurants, gyms, porta potties, behind a parked car, etc. Oh, don’t ever ask a girl to go in a porta pottie unless you want to experience the “stink eye” and a smack upside your head. A porta pottie to a women is pretty much the last resort, and like asking them to enter the third portal of Hell itself. There are some things that just can not be unseen in them.
Also, what is it about flatulance? Us guys have no problem with ripping a good one, so how come women will hardly ever do the same in front of us? Sure, many of us guys don’t want to know our ladies fart and crap as we do, but it is part of human biology. Right? That’s what I tell my gal when I just can’t hold it in anymore. Just so happens the loudest and most odorous ones seem to hit when at the movies, at crowded store, or when out dining. Kind of embarrassing I will admit, but just breathe it in deeply and take in the aroma. Not much else you can do at that point. Nothing like a good giggle inducing fart but our female partners never seem to find it as amusing as we do. How come they don’t find a “Dutch Oven” as enjoyable as us guys? Smells like petunias to me. Also, when she thinks I cut one it’s usually just a creaky floorboard, a bird outside our window, or something I bump into that makes a similar noise. For some reason she never believes me. Couldn’t be the smell. Nope. Nah.
Sometimes I wonder why it’s so hard for many out there to just “let it flow”. All it takes for me in the morning is basically my first swig of coffee and I’m running to the bathroom. Coffee is nature’s enema! Also, why is it that your bowels decide it’s time to empty just after you step into the shower, or worse, right after when you’re all clean and fresh? Another thing that I dread here living in NYC is when the urge hits just as you get on the subway, and of course, the trains are crawling due to delays. Oh yeah, that is always a good time. Trapped on a rolling bouncing steel tube packed full of people with your butthole clenched tight enough to turn a piece of charcoal into a diamond. Your mind is racing with thoughts of anal disaster while the sweat beads of panic roll down your backside. Add in the mistake of eating a Mexican meal the night before and I’m trying not to shart myself as I run off the train, across the street, and into my office building. Oh, please God, let there be an elevator car waiting for me that is empty! Of course not! Fifteen other peope have to pile in, and some dolt keeps holding the doors open for more people to get on board. Dude, really? I’m dying over here and a catastrophe is about to happen. I think at this point it’s a recurring nightmare of mine. Like with the movie “Groundhog’s Day” it seems to happen way too often for my liking. Damn burritos.
What do you think? Any bowel disasters of your own, or flatulance follies?
Do girls poop?