I swear, there is nothing more infuriating to a New Yorker than being held captive by a mass transit system constantly on the verge of major collapse.
We here in the NYC area, millions of us, rely on the MTA subway system to get us back and forth to our places of employment every day, week, and month. In a timely manner. LOL – yeah, and I’m gonna be the next big Hollywood action star! Get to da choppa!
Yet, here I was, along with my sweat stained brethren and sisters once again left jam-packed on a subway platform to nowhere. Oh, this one was a doozy. Totally unforeseen as we descended to the underground platforms that had become as hot as Beelzebub’s anal cavity since we were just coming off a 90 degree weekend. Dammit, it’s Autumn! It’s not supposed to be this hot out. Yet, here we all were, a sweaty mass of humanity aligned shoulder to shoulder resembling fish in sardine can. ( and some people smelling like one – c’mon people use deodorant! ) Waiting. Waiting. More waiting.
Help? Continue reading Monday Funday – Greetings From the MTA!
As I am turning into a human bathhouse walking the streets of NYC I look around and view people of all types seemingly oblivious to the NYC summer heat and humidity. I don’t get it. There are those walking past me with layers of clothes on, heavy jackets, and thick jeans. Like it’s cold out. I am not kidding here as during my 5 mile run last night in Central Park I actually saw a dude jogging in jeans! IN JEANS! Can you just imagine peeling those off after that? Muenster cheese anyone?
Pretty much how I feel walking around NYC during this heat and humidity – Continue reading I am judging you. I’m judging you hard, New Yorkers.
So, I went to meet my gal at Penn Station the other night after she went out to spend the day with relatives and the first thing she says when she sees me?
“Someone took a huge dump on the train platform! Not just one, but three giant piles of turds!” I laughed, and suggested that maybe it was someone’s dog that pooped there. “Hell no!” she stated. “That was human dukies. No way was that some Pomeranian poop! She was obviously disgusted. Perhaps a bit mortified.
Of course, being the jaded New Yorker that I am I wanted to go down and take pictures of this monster pile of human excrement, but the look she gave me with the side-eye suggested otherwise if I knew what was good for me. Heck, I have enough food porn pics on my cell phone, so why not just add this to my collection? Salad pic. Soup pic. Salmon pic. Dessert pic. Giant turd pic. Fits right in! Continue reading Is That a Human Turd? The Mysteries of NYC Living.
Am I weirdo magnet?
That is a question I ask myself constantly while living in NYC. Well actually, just not here but it seems pretty much everywhere I travel. I just don’t get it. They come out of the woodwork, out of the shadows, out of the dark corners of my mind to confront me in the strangest of ways. Now, I know that living in NYC it’s pretty much weirdo central. From what I have been told only a few spots rival it. Maine for one?
Just the other night it happened to me again. I had nothing much planned so I took my computer downtown to a nice coffee-house that stays open until midnight and offers free WiFi, along with a really tasty iced café mocha I must say. I was minding my own business doing some work on my resume and job hunt. Earbuds in and listening to my tunes. Every once in a while, I looked up and noticed the place was busy but not totally packed. There was a jumble of empty seats spread throughout. They are basically round tables for two. Of course, as with any coffee joint the tables near outlets are at a premium. WiFi hogs such as myself covet these. I noticed this one dude sitting alone at a table along the windows by one of these. He was not drinking or eating anything. Just sitting there. For an hour. Staring ahead into space. Like one of those creepers you see in a club at the edge of the dance floor holding a beer and leering at the girls dancing. Yes, that guy.
The one you hope does not approach you. Continue reading Am I A Weirdo Magnet?