Gadzooks, that was one long, drawn-out Winter season.
Here in the NYC area it seemed like the Winter that would never end. Like Cousin Eddie in those “Vacation” movies he arrived like a virus, and never received the hint to get his obnoxious ass to go away. It was a strange one, as it really didn’t snow all that much, but the cold, wet, windy, dreary days seemed to drag on forever. When we saw snow here in April that was the last straw. People were flipping their lids. People were actually getting angry. Weather rage?
The local news weather forecasters almost had to go into the “witness protection program”, and don’t even get me started on that damn woodchuck! Continue reading Spring is in the Air! Along with Running, Pollen, and Breakups.
First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!
I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!
I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!
Holy crap, what the heck am I doing out here in 26 degree weather? I think I’ve made a huge mistake!
My slightly warped mind always seems to head back to that episode of Seinfeld. Whenever I am subjected to some pretty brutal weather conditions which makes my nether regions retreat up into my body like a turtle hiding in it’s shell. When it’s that cold outside in NYC, “shrinkage” is the appropriate reasoning for any gent trying to defend the rationale of “diminished manhood”!
I was shrinkage, Jerry! SHRINKAGE!!! Continue reading It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!
As I am turning into a human bathhouse walking the streets of NYC I look around and view people of all types seemingly oblivious to the NYC summer heat and humidity. I don’t get it. There are those walking past me with layers of clothes on, heavy jackets, and thick jeans. Like it’s cold out. I am not kidding here as during my 5 mile run last night in Central Park I actually saw a dude jogging in jeans! IN JEANS! Can you just imagine peeling those off after that? Muenster cheese anyone?
Pretty much how I feel walking around NYC during this heat and humidity – Continue reading I am judging you. I’m judging you hard, New Yorkers.