First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!
I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!
I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!
Holy crap, what the heck am I doing out here in 26 degree weather? I think I’ve made a huge mistake!
My slightly warped mind always seems to head back to that episode of Seinfeld. Whenever I am subjected to some pretty brutal weather conditions which makes my nether regions retreat up into my body like a turtle hiding in it’s shell. When it’s that cold outside in NYC, “shrinkage” is the appropriate reasoning for any gent trying to defend the rationale of “diminished manhood”!
I was shrinkage, Jerry! SHRINKAGE!!! Continue reading It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!
As I am turning into a human bathhouse walking the streets of NYC I look around and view people of all types seemingly oblivious to the NYC summer heat and humidity. I don’t get it. There are those walking past me with layers of clothes on, heavy jackets, and thick jeans. Like it’s cold out. I am not kidding here as during my 5 mile run last night in Central Park I actually saw a dude jogging in jeans! IN JEANS! Can you just imagine peeling those off after that? Muenster cheese anyone?
Pretty much how I feel walking around NYC during this heat and humidity – Continue reading I am judging you. I’m judging you hard, New Yorkers.
Escaping NYC for a few days and heading to Las Vegas for a biz trip. Normally, that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that it’s a raging inferno of heat there this week! Temps soaring close to 110 degrees each day makes for extreme swamp ass!
Dry air my ass! Hot is hot!
Business travel is always a hassle, but a necessary evil for many of us. Especially those of us in the ad sales game. There are always numerous clients to visit, conventions to attend, and other various business functions in different places. I used to actually enjoy flying, as I still like to visit different cities across the USA and see the sights when I have the time. It used to be a lot of fun. Yet, nowadays air travel makes me want to strangle people! I think many of us feel that way. At least now we have the option to stay connected up in the air. I am using the plane’s WiFi and typing this all in real-time as it’s happening. Continue reading Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.