Category Archives: Outdoors

Getting In My Fix At The Sleepy Hollow Half Marathon

Yeah, that’s right! Like Thanos conquering worlds, and crushing Avengers, this kid crushed his second half marathon in two weeks.

In fact, this was only my second half marathon, and after the first I thought I was going to take a longer break before I attempted another. Running the Frozen Penguin Half Marathon, on my birthday, was an exercise in lunacy and a bit of masochism. It was extremely cold and windy that whole 13 miles along the water near the Verrazano Bridge. I completed the course, mercifully, and was a bit sore and tender for a few days afterwards.

You know what it’s like to be so sore it’s painful to get off the bowl after a hearty dump? Continue reading Getting In My Fix At The Sleepy Hollow Half Marathon

Conquering Half Marathons and Shart Fears!

 

Over the past two years that I have adapted a running regimen into my fitness training I have overcome many obstacles. Every person who runs goes through the same mental and physical stumbling blocks as they persist onward in pursuit of their running game.

Pretty much this is a snapshot of my progression –

Can I get motivated enough to get off the couch when that bag of Cheetos is seducing me?

I hate running!

Why does a 5K have to be 3.1 miles?

What do you mean there are no beer stands along the way to the finish line? I must wait until I’m done?

Why does every damn race seem to start at the God-awful buttcrack of dawn? Continue reading Conquering Half Marathons and Shart Fears!

Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!

I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!

I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!

Holy crap, what the heck am I doing out here in 26 degree weather? I think I’ve made a huge mistake!

My slightly warped mind always seems to head back to that episode of Seinfeld. Whenever I am subjected to some pretty brutal weather conditions which makes my nether regions retreat up into my body like a turtle hiding in it’s shell. When it’s that cold outside in NYC, “shrinkage” is the appropriate reasoning for any gent trying to defend the rationale of “diminished manhood”!

I was shrinkage, Jerry! SHRINKAGE!!! Continue reading It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!