Ok, what the hell is going on here? Enough of the cold raw weather already. ENOUGH! It’s like Spring has taken a nap, gone on vacation, or just turned off the switch and forgot to flip it back on. Spring is toying with us here in the Northeast. It temps us with a few nice days and Spring-like temperatures, then pulls a Fall-like day out of it’s ass and dumps a chilly day like today on us. I mean, what the heck are you doing Spring? Are you drunk or something? Why you hating on us? Where has the love gone? You’ve lost that lovin’ feeeeeeeling……. Continue reading Go home Spring you’re drunk!
Ever have one of those days when you just miss the subway? Get caught at every red light? Miss the lottery jackpot by one number? How about people just infuriating you on a daily basis? Heck, even something as simple as riding the elevator can ruin your day. Here are a few of my personal pet peeves of elevator enragement!
–The guys that won’t stop talking business, or the ladies that won’t shut up with all the gossip, plus they won’t lower their voices.
Really? Can it wait a minute or two until you get out of the small coffin box we are all stuffed in? I really don’t care about your call reports or coworker problems or what idiots your kids are dating. Can I just have some peace for a minute before hitting the office?
– People that crowd into the elevator and get in your personal space.
What is it with people that feel the need to get all up in my grill when I am standing at the back of the elevator? Can you step forward just a bit? Sometimes I make out I am sick and start fake coughing and sneezing on them. Ha! That usually works. Continue reading Elevator Enragement!
It’s inevitable. You are out and about in NYC. Shopping, sightseeing, at a restaurant, relaxing in Central Park, stuck waiting on a subway platform, having drinks in a bar, or just walking around the city streets. It comes on all of a sudden. That feeling from deep inside. You feel the pressure building. Your body informs you that it is time whether you like it or not. Doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. Your body betrays you. You try to pretend it’s not there. This is not happening. Not – Right – Now! You panic as you realize there is no place close by to go. You need instant relief. You start to get all flushed as the sweat perspires on your body. You shake and shimmy to hold it in. There is no recourse. No time to wait. The #2 is gonna happen whether you are ready or not.
Time to drop off the kids at the pool! Time to lay some cable! Time to pinch a loaf!
IT’S TIME TO TAKE A DUMP IN NYC!
Not too long ago we actually did the most cheesy thing you can do in the tri-state area. Ridiculous amounts of beer, grog, giant souvenir glasses filled with frozen rum and vodka drinks, goofy flags, screaming for kill shots, eating with our fingers, falcons, the king and his court, jousting, sword fights, booing the bad guys, cheering the good guys, knights in fake battles to the death.
Yes kids, we went to Medieval Times!!!