Category Archives: Manhattan

Brunch at Essex. Or, how to get sh*tfaced on a NYC afternoon!

535901_10151455978315403_1933957554_n(Photo Credit – Essex)

Let me preface this review by proclaiming  –

THAT I AM TOTALLY F**KING DRUNK OFF MY ASS RIGHT NOW!

Wow, am I sh*tfaced and totally rocked from what turned out to be a six and a half hour brunch bender. I don’t remember much of what I ate, and I am still trying to figure out where my pants are, but I had a great Sunday!

Holy Crapola! Did you know that Economy Candy is right across the street? (One of the most amazing old school candy stores in NYC!) This place looks like Willy Wonka threw up! Can you actually get the bedspins while still out on the street? Whoa, candy cigarettes and pop rocks! Maybe not a good idea right now.

But back to Essex. Had a 3:00 reservation and entered into a crazy cramped and loud bar area. Checked in with the hostess and was told it would be a few minutes. Had to wait amongst the LES scenesters and play body bumpers for about 15 minutes or so alongside the crowded bar. I felt bad for those sitting at the tables along it as all of our asses were constantly pushing into their faces and backs. Nothing like a face full of ass with your omelet! Continue reading Brunch at Essex. Or, how to get sh*tfaced on a NYC afternoon!

Fat-astical NYC Frites Frenzy! In Mah Belly!

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Magical fries and dipping sauces at Pommes Frites.

I really hate myself at times like this. Why do I put myself in a position to be sitting in front of a mountain of hot greasy potato goodness after doing countless reps in the gym and laps on the treadmill? Why am I force feeding my face in a frenzy of delicious sauce covered fries with no end in sight? Why are my arteries screaming bloody murder? “No mas! No mas!” they scream, but I am deaf to their cries. All I want to do is sit here in carbohydrate bliss and eat my Pommes Frites!

HELLZ YEAH! Delicious hot Belgian frites and a gazillion tasty sauces to dip into! Calories be damned! This is FAT-ASTICAL!!! Continue reading Fat-astical NYC Frites Frenzy! In Mah Belly!

Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

tumblr_mqgge9iugk1ql0gxeo1_500The news coming out regarding the Mayor’s race here in NYC just becomes weirder and weirder as the days progress. It seems there is a lot more hidden that is just a zipper pull away from being released upon a ravenous public itching for more of Carlos Danger! His overexposed member just seems to be everywhere these days. It’s the talk of the town. I’m really starting to think that Carlos is real, and hacked into poor Anthony Weiner’s Twitter account. He wants exposure and the more he gets the more excited he becomes. He loves the ladies, and the ladies can’t seem to get enough of Carlos Danger! He is a man about town, and the more dangerous he is, the more the glamorous he becomes. After the last 36 years of Mayor Bloomberg’s overdrawn and boring dictatorship locking down the city and turning it into a homogenized Disneyland we need someone like Carlos Danger to spice it up a bit and set us free! I can just envision it –  Continue reading Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!

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Yes, it does feel a tad bit sweaty outside.

Summertime is supposed to be warm, we get that. I know that we can all expect muggy days here and there. Bright weekends at the park. Sun drenched days at the beach. The occasional hot and humid afternoons. Summer in NYC is usually filled with these types of days, but hot damn, this heat wave is hotter than Satan’s asshole! Another day of record heat in the 90’s that actually feels like it’s over 100 outside. Is this some kind of crazy joke that Mother Nature is pulling on us? I feel like I am actually melting if I stay outside for more than a few minutes! I can smell the soles of my sneakers burning!

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I actually read today on the Gothamist that NYC broke the all time power record usage. Good lord I hope that ConEd can keep up with the power demand during this heat wave. No way in Hell that anyone wants to deal with a power outage right now. Even the Pillsbury Doughboy would end up baking like a croissant on the sidewalk out here. I am ready too see people explode in spontaneous combustion.

Mmmm……croissants.

http://gothamist.com/2013/07/19/nyc_broke_all-time_peak_power_usage.php Continue reading OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!