Brunch at Essex. Or, how to get sh*tfaced on a NYC afternoon!

535901_10151455978315403_1933957554_n(Photo Credit – Essex)

Let me preface this review by proclaiming  –

THAT I AM TOTALLY F**KING DRUNK OFF MY ASS RIGHT NOW!

Wow, am I sh*tfaced and totally rocked from what turned out to be a six and a half hour brunch bender. I don’t remember much of what I ate, and I am still trying to figure out where my pants are, but I had a great Sunday!

Holy Crapola! Did you know that Economy Candy is right across the street? (One of the most amazing old school candy stores in NYC!) This place looks like Willy Wonka threw up! Can you actually get the bedspins while still out on the street? Whoa, candy cigarettes and pop rocks! Maybe not a good idea right now.

But back to Essex. Had a 3:00 reservation and entered into a crazy cramped and loud bar area. Checked in with the hostess and was told it would be a few minutes. Had to wait amongst the LES scenesters and play body bumpers for about 15 minutes or so alongside the crowded bar. I felt bad for those sitting at the tables along it as all of our asses were constantly pushing into their faces and backs. Nothing like a face full of ass with your omelet!

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Photo Credit – Mary C – Yelp

Hostess came by and rescued us from this mass of humanity and led us to the holy grail of seating – a table right in front of the bar on the upstairs level! I was so happy I wanted to jump for joy. The waitress that served our area was absolutely kick ass! She was funny, cool, friendly, and Australian. We joked around with her the whole time we were there. Along the way super strong bloody mary’s and mimosa’s kept magically appearing on our table. I must admit, they are very liberal about the three drinks with brunch here as I lost count after the 6th or 7th glass was poured. Yes, this was power drinking, and I watched the heavy alcohol pours they were putting in each glass. Wonderful! I am going to request a table by her again no doubt! I think I blacked out at one point during the meal.

Photo Credit  - Lu H -Yelp
Photo Credit – Lu H -Yelp

Oh, we did actually eat. We ordered the Mexican Matzo Brei – scrambled eggs with tortilla crisps, monterey jack, avocado, black beans & pico de gallo. Perfect meal with about 10 bloody mary’s! We also ordered the three eggs poached with fresh fruit & chicken apple sausage and potatoes. Both plates were decently tasty and filling. A few onion rolls were also placed on our table when we sat down. More then enough food to help soak up all the alcohol we consumed.

But there’s more! When we received our bill we were given tickets for two more drinks at the bar. Brunch is cash only and at $23.95 it is a bargain considering all the drinks we had. At this point crowd had dwindled down a bit and we grabbed two seats at the bar and resumed drinking. After a few more our waitress saw us as she walked by and we waved hello. Before we knew it the bartender told us another round was on the house gratis from our waitress! I felt like we were in a dream of an alternate NYC where fairies and alcoholic sugar plums danced happily all around us.

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Sunday brunch crowd! Photo credit – Lu H – Yelp

I do have to say we had a great afternoon brunch here. You do get a lot for $23.95. It is very crowded and loud, so reservations are a must. What is great is that brunch is served 11-8 PM so getting there after 3 or 4 also seems like a thinner crowd situation and a more relaxing time to arrive. I know not everyone will have the same experience we had, but be friendly and outgoing with the staff and you never know – drinks might magically appear!

Man, am I still heavily buzzed! The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round. Mmmm…..Ho Ho’s. Yum.

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http://www.essexnyc.com/

http://www.yelp.com/biz/essex-new-york?sort_by=date_desc

Essex on Urbanspoon

 

24 thoughts on “Brunch at Essex. Or, how to get sh*tfaced on a NYC afternoon!”

  1. You either partied waaaaaay past closing time or have been sitting on the couch munching Hostess Ho-Ho’s for five days, Phil.

    Sounds like a awe-freaking-some place to have brunch. Especially since brunch is loosely defined as get-here-when-you-feel-like-rolling-out-of-bed.

    Waiters, waitresses, and police officers. Three professions I find it particularly helpful to be kind and funny while engaged in conversation.

    ‘Course it’s in my nature to be kind to everyone anyway. Unless I miss my guess, it’s in your nature, too. It’s nice when there’s a BONUS!

    [I know that police officer wanted to let me go with a warning. He just couldn’t. He’d clocked me at 17 miles over the speed limit. So, we had a good chuckle when he said, “if you want to plead not guilty…”. Me? I said. “I am guilty as hell! Don’t worry about showing up for the court date. I’ll do the deferred adjudication thingie instead.]
    Gloria Richard recently posted…IT’S HOWDY BLOOPER TIME! JAKE from STATE FARM? Meet DOUG from MetLifeMy Profile

  2. Phil, can I hang out with you? 🙂 This place looks like it has great energy, good good, & spot on drink service. Yes! Another place to throw on my “must visit” list.

  3. Phil, I love your reviews. They are SO real and don’t have any of the fluffy crap others fill their reviews with. And you bring a sense of humor that always makes me smile or laugh. Great view and the food looks yummy!
    Terrye recently posted…**RED ALERT, CAPTAIN**My Profile

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