Yeah, I’m in a mood this morning. The day started out so good. Bright and sunny out. Crisp cool air and dry outside. Hot cup of coffee on the way to work. Then a bunch of nimrods have to go and piss me off. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Just a few little things that push your buttons the wrong way. Pet peeves aside, some of these annoyances I experience on a daily basis get me to the point of going all Chuck Norris on people. These sorts I am referring to are the “Cell Phone Savages” as I have named them in my mind.
Oh, we all know them. We have all rubbed elbows with them at times. Maybe each of us have a little bit of the “savage” traits in us. As soon as I was walking down the sidewalk heading to the subway I got trapped behind these two morons looking down on their phones tapping away texting and oblivious that there were people behind them trying to get by. They shuffle along at half speed side by side and never walk in a straight line making it impossible to get by. Eff that. After a few minutes I just made a bee-line to the street and blasted around them like a wide receiver torching his defender on game day.
Oh, then I was faced with the clueless one looking at his phone not paying attention and coming right at me. I am a bit evil with these subjects. I refuse to deviate from my path. At times I even lower my shoulder a bit. It’s always fun to see the startled look on their face as they realize they are about to have a full body crash. Bonus points if you knock the phone out of their hands. Extra bonus if the phone opens into multiple pieces when hitting the ground! Alas, he avoided a collision when he looked up at the last second. I kept walking with a grin on my face.
Now the topper. I hate these people the most. The ones that will keep talking on their cell phones while in an elevator. They don’t care that you are trapped in a slow moving box with them. If they can hold a signal they will keep on chatting away. I got stuck with one of these today and almost slammed his head against the door.
“Hey, can you still hear me? Yeah, I’m in the elevator. Can you still hear me now? Now about that proposal. No, I had meatloaf last night. You still there? That game was terrific last night. Hello? Yeah, turns out that chick was a dude. Hello? Hello?” Is there such a thing as elevator rage? I had it.
Almost forgot to mention the inconsiderate slobs that won’t turn off their phones while at the movies. Really? You can’t go two hours without looking at your email, texts, or sports scores? One of the most annoying things is sitting near someone during a movie and they keep turning on their phone to look at it. They don’t actually turn it off but put it in silent mode. Except that the damn screen is bright as a flashlight and right in your field of vision. At times I want to dump my bucket of buttery popcorn on their heads, but I love my popcorn too much to waste it!
I’ll admit that I do have a bromance going on with my phone. It’s a part of me and I am lost without it. When the battery dies I go into mourning until I can find a charge somewhere. I almost break out into cold sweats. I think of my phone as a real person. I must have my phone at all times on my being, yet I am considerate of others around me and try not to be a “Cell Phone Savage” when using it.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Or are we all becoming Savages?
( I was texting, checking facebook updates, and looking at email the whole time while drafting this post. Don’t judge me. )