I travel a lot for business and over the years I have seen many cities, explored new places in this great country known as AMURRICA, and also have partaken in delicious food and drink from all around. There is one thing that is always a constant though – the idiotic things we all have to put up with when traveling. Mostly when it comes to air travel. It’s a necessary evil as it is the quickest way to get from point A to point B. Honestly, I actually like flying, I really do, but at the same time I really despise it. I feel many of us are all in the same boat. We fly because it beats the heck out of driving or taking a bus or train across the country. When I see some of these fellow travelers out there that make my day turn into a heaping pile of angst and disgust I kind of want to beat them senseless. Or, at least give them a firm smack upside the back of the head!
Some of my observations and things that make me go MAD MAD MAD when traveling out of the NYC area -
Where is my damn car pickup? I got up in the wee hours of the morning so I can make this 7am flight and this is no car here yet even though I confirmed the pickup. If you make me miss my flight I will possibly kill you!
Do you know how to get there? Really? The driver doesn’t know how to get to one of the three major airports in NYC? Dude, you better figure it out quick before I start raging.
Please turn off the damn Bollywood music! It’s 6am. At this moment in time I am really cranky and want it quiet so I can sleep a bit during the drive. Don’t torture me with this.
Why is there so much traffic this early in the morning? It’s even before rush hour and we are crawling on the expressway. WTF???
Why are there so many people here on a Tuesday? It’s freaking 6 in the morning. Why is the airport packed with long lines everywhere? Panic about missing my flight kicks in. Kill me now.
Hey Mr. TSA agent can you speed it up? I know you are just doing your job but I have a flight to catch. You don’t need to have a full conversation with each passenger and you don’t have to take 20 minutes determining if the 9 year old kid or 90 year old lady is a flight threat.
Why am I always the one to get chosen for a sporadic security search? It always seems to happen when I am in a rush and only have a few minutes to make my flight. Ugh.
The gate area is a zoo! Full of grumpy people, screaming crying kids, and passengers arguing with the gate agents. So glad I have airline club access to escape this madness.
Idiots who jam the overhead bins with luggage that won’t fit! Hey, luggage fees suck, we all know that, but now you are holding up the flight trying to jam your monster sized suitcase in the overhead bin. Plus, I’m tired of you banging into me. Suck it up and check the damn bag!
Nothing like picking the one seat that is broken! Can’t recline and the seat cushion shifts to one side. I feel like I am sitting on a bag of potatoes. Yay! What fun for the next four hours!
Why do I always get stuck in a row on the plane with two of the biggest people on the flight? Good thing I usually get an aisle seat as the blob sitting next to me has oozed over onto half my seat and I can lean over a bit. If ever stuck in a middle seat in between two behemoths be prepared to kill yourself – especially if its a long flight.
Damn flight is now delayed/stuck on the tarmac. I got up a 4am to make this flight. Now it won’t take off for another two hours. I should have stayed in bed.
Great – my tv doesn’t work. It’s happened to me a few times. I love that certain airlines offer free tv now, but hate when the one screen on the plane that doesn’t work is mine.
Can you give me more than one bag of peanuts? Sheesh! Why so stingy? Each bag has ten small peanuts in them, so give me around 10 bags! I’m starving!
The recline-o-matic flyer. We’ve all had that one annoying passenger in front of you that will recline the seat the whole way just as you are eating or opened your computer to do some work. The guys head ends up against your chest. I want to bash it in. Especially if they refuse to move the seat up.
The douchnozzle boyfriend. The dude who is twice your size but insists on sitting in the middle seat so his petite little girlfriend can have the window seat. Thanks for making us squished in next to each other this whole uncomfortable flight. Douche.
Stop talking to me. I just want to read, get some work done, or sleep. I don’t know you and don’t want to talk about your kids, the game, your ailments, etc. Bad enough you smell and I have to sit next to you this whole flight.
Please quiet down your kids! The one thing all fliers hate are when we are trapped on a flight with crying babies and screaming loud kids. You do realize that right now everyone on the plane hates you and your kids right? Be a responsible parent and do something about it!
Why does the bathroom reek so bad? I can smell that stench all the way up where I am sitting. Clean that thing!
If you keep getting up I will strangle you. Enough! You have gotten up six times already to go to the bathroom or stretch your legs. I don’t want to get up again to let you get by. I am about to duct tape you to your seat!
Thanks for getting us sick asshole! You are sick with a cold coughing and sneezing and you get on my airplane? If I could I would throw you out while in flight. Without a parachute.
Hot damn, there are so many things that I can’t stand about flying and travel, even as much as I do enjoy it. I guess we all must learn to live with the pros and cons of it all. I surely have missed a few that belong on this list. There is so much that annoys me!
How about you? What annoys the heck out of you when flying? What can be added to this rant list?